Hi guys, First off thanks so much EC for being such a great resource! It's really helped me a lot. I'll keep this short because I know I skim long posts too! I have a sticky situation. I'm really attracted to someone in my LGBT support group (which isn't allowed). He's also bisexual. We've talked outside group and it's been great. BUT it's really awkward for obvious reasons. Also we both know so much about each other (though I haven't been in group for long). It also has been a while since I've been attracted to a man, and I've turned down a couple guys this year and I guess I was nervous that I didn't know myself after all and the people I came out with know me as a bisexual and not gay so I was worried. I definitely lean towards women, but I'm very attracted to this guy. I don't know if he feels the same way so we'll have to see. I also think there's a special connection because we're both bi and really understand that. Thoughts? Totally off limits?
Never been to a support group...hard to say. Honestly, aside from the rules, I'd say there's no reason not to. Probably crappy advice, but, that's my 2 cents.
I have to agree with cscipio. It'd be a shame to let someone go for such a reason, but I too have never been to a support group so I don't want to fuck anything up. Good luck. <3
I don't personally like the rule per se, because rules like that are a little silly since it leave people with this sort of situations. That being said, I'll try to explain why I think the rule was made. The main two reasons why support groups try to discourage people dating each other is because they want it to not be a dating club, and because they don't want someone to feel like they have to leave the group if their ex decides to stay in the group. I think the second reason is the one that you should be worried about right now. If, not saying that it won't, the relationship ends badly, would you feel comfortable going back to the group for support even if your ex still goes to it? If the answer is yes, then I would say go for it. If your answer is no, then I would think about if its worth it or not.
Hi there! I would agree with TheEdend that sometimes support groups establish certain rules so for everyone to feel safe and comfortable going to the meetings or attend their events. As much as we don't like it, there are there for a good reason. Some of them are based on a group's past experiences in dealing with certain situations. As TheEdend mentioned, you have to think about some possibilities, and how you would feel about each of them. You need to weigh the importance of the support group and trying to gauge/finding out as to whether he feels the same way about you and the possible outcomes of letting him know.
I can speak to why it's a bad idea. Apparently the young adult group at the local LGBT center here has no such rule, and as a result, I'm told that practically everyone has slept with everyone else, and it is often very awkward and cliquey. Support groups are supposed to be just that... support groups. Yes, it's awkward when you start to develop feelings for someone in the group, but as Mirko and Gus both said, having that sort of boundary there ends up being really helpful in the long run for everyone even though it is annoying in situations like this. So I'd say, honor the rules you agree do when you joined the group. It's good for the group, and it's good for your personal integrity as well.
