As a few of you may see from my previous appearances on this forum, I am internally conflicted, complicated, and confused. Such is life, eh? haha. I hope this post is going to be okay. For some time now, I've been thinking about moving out. I'm 19, legally an adult, and feel like I need to start acting like it. For months and months, I've been looking into colleges in Canada. The idea was that, seeing as we have little money, I wouldn't be dependant on my mom, but myself. I would be responsible for my well being and education. It'd be easier on my mom, as we do not have the money to buy a car and she is not liable to drive in her current condition. However, to get into Canada, I need a sponsor to prove I have the funds to support myself (housing, food, recreation, etc). Since we don't have that, I cannot go, even though the tuition would be covered. Now, it may be an idea for me to get a job at a local store to save up. No one is hiring and places that are are too far to walk to. On top of that, I have to wait until my Survivor Benefit checks runs out in May to get a job, because if I did, my check would not come this month. (Luckily, May is less than a month away!) More or less, college is a no go at the moment. But that doesn't stop me from getting a job somewhere else. I feel as if I'd be in a better position to help my family if I weren't here. I know some of the older folk will put my logic down--I'm a teenager anyway, right? I also feel like I need to move on, for my benefit, too. I get that feeling sometimes; I just need to leave. Not because I'm in conflict with my mom or family or their is trouble after me. It's a gypsy kind of thing, I think. But in May I could potentially get a job (given that the market IS actually hiring by that time) for awhile. I have no family to move in with, so that's a no go (unless my oma will let me move in with her for a bit?). I know it's not impossible, but entirely improbable. I'm not sure what to make of this situation. I want to be in a position where I can actually help--not just sit back and do nothing except what the struggle. I know it wouldn't be easy for me, either. But like I said, it's improbable, and I do hope that no one calls me stupid or naive for thinking the way I do. I need some advice. I don't even know where I'd move to. I'll answer any questions to the best of my ability should the need arise. Thank you.
