So for some background I’m an 18 year old gay guy who lives in a rural area. College was supposed to be my chance to break away and go somewhere where I can meet potential boyfriends and experiment sexually, but it looks like I might have to spend another year in my area. As the title suggests, I’m a virgin. I’ve never had a boyfriend or had anything close to a sexual encounter with either gender. However, I’d like that to change. I’m tired of being a virgin and am so ready to put myself out there. But I’m a little split. I’m a little bit of a hopeless romantic, and although sex is a fairly big deal to me, I’m not completely sure if I care to wait for a first boyfriend. Of course I would like my first time to be special, but now that I might be staying in the area, if I sit around and wait for the “prefect” boyfriend it could be 2 years or more and I just don’t think I can handle being a virgin for that much longer. Of course there is the potential of finding a boyfriend in the area, but finding someone that would be compatible for a relationship is much, much harder than finding potential hookup material. (I’m fairly picky when it comes to a boyfriend but have lower standards when it comes to just sex) Plus, most of the local guys are past my age limit for what I would be comfortable with in a real relationship. (I just want to point out that although, I’d like my first time to be special, I feel like I want to just get it over with nearly as strongly) I’m not sure what I’m going for with this, other than to speak my mind, but I know this is probably a somewhat common situation within the gay community so maybe if you’ve been in a similar situation as me you could give some advice? I don’t know. Anything is appropriated though.
I don't really like the concept of "being a virgin", because it puts the focus of sex on how others perceive you (as a "virgin" or "non-virgin"), and not on your expectations, desires and thoughts about the act. Instead of thinking of it like losing your virginity or not, try thinking about why you feel like you want it. What do you think it will change once you have sex? There's nothing inherently wrong with sex, as long as it is between consenting adults and considering you are taking the necessary health precautions (like using condoms). However, I don't think the social pressure of losing the "virgin" label is a good enough of a reason to seek sex. In other words, the world doesn't change once someone "loses their virginity". Therefore, even if there isn't anything inherently wrong about sex, I think it is an act of intimacy, and it shouldn't be about how others see you (as a "virgin" or "non-virgin").
I never really understood the whole V card thing either way. Admittedly I lost mine really early by most people's standard, so my opinion might be a little skewed. It was never a big deal to me, but I might have chosen a different person to lose it too if that makes any sense. I don't think a random hook up is the way to go about it though. As it is a little more enjoyable if the other person has some feelings for you.
So I was in the same place as you when I was young. I want to tell you about my experience. I grew up on a farm in the middle of nowhere. Fifteen miles away from four small towns of 1500-2000 people. I was a couple of years younger than you when I thought it had to happen. Well it did, and it wasn't good. Make sure young man that you don't just settle. Make sure that it is going to be with someone special and it will be a special memory forever. Who gives a fuck if your a virgin at 18, 20 or 22? Be kind to yourself and make a memory you will want to remember! Dean
Thinking of your virginity as a hindrance makes things hard for yourself. I think if you just hookup with anyone, it puts you in a position where you could get hurt because you want to get it over with. I lost mine when I was 26. I grew up in a super conservative family and found life to be a lot different to what i was told growing up and felt i was breaking free when i lost it. I would wait for someone special.
Great input so far. One more thought: There are a bunch of people here on EC who have been in your situation and have used one of the various hookup apps to simply have a hookup and "solve the problem." Most have regretted it, several said they felt dirty afterwards. Add to that the fact that you'll likely end up with some older guy for whom you're just a conquest... and it probably won't end up the way you want it to. As others have said, for whatever reason, people make a big deal about virginity. Nobody makes the same deal about never having been to college, never having flown in a plane. Each one of us has new experiences every day, and that shouldn't be a shameful thing. Even never having been on a date doesn't carry the same stigma. It's just a social construct that, in my mind, is a bunch of crap that no one needs to feed into.
Update: even though many of you advised against it, I ultimately decided to do it with a fairly random guy. He was very nice and respectful and made sure that I was okay, and although we didn’t go completely all the way, we definitely did a lot and I would like to meet him again to do more. I went into it wondering if I would regret it but surprisingly, I don’t. Maybe things will change. I don’t know. But I’m fairly happy with my choice.
I thought about that weeks ago, i'm a virgin 21 myself, i tried to talk to people online to hook up, and i strongly felt that i shouldn't do it, most of them looked unhealthy and bored or maybe i was just unlucky, i don't know.
