I broke up with my first (and only) girlfriend three years ago, and it was me who did the breaking up. We had been getting into arguments a lot, and I was still unsure of my sexuality back then. In the three years that followed, I've come to terms with the fact that whatever arguments we had we could have worked them out, but I threw in the towel far too easily because in the back of my head I was constantly worried about how having a girlfriend would impact the rest of my life. (I was 18-19, and had only realized a year or so before I might be bisexual). It also helped that this was mainly an online relationship and we'd only met in person once before (though the time we did, there was instant chemistry and I've never felt so comfortable around someone who I hadn't been best friends with for years). Three years later you'd think I'd have moved on by now, but no. We agreed to remain friends, which is more than I could have asked for, and especially in the last couple weeks we've been talking a lot via twitter and sometimes IM. I'd sort of ignored the fact I still very much like her for the past three years, but the last couple months has involved a lot of 'wandering' into her Facebook page by accident, commenting on her artworks, and chatting with her on Twitter. And getting insanely jealous at whoever she chats with on a regular basis, which was when I had to stop lying to myself and admit I still like her. I know I hurt her back then, and I'm mature enough now to realize that whatever arguments we had, breaking up was on me. I've regretted it for three years, and wished I could have just braved my insecurities for her. We've talked a lot recently, avoiding the subject of relationships, and she seems to enjoy talking to me...but I don't know. I should be happy just being her friend after what I did, but a large part of me wants to try and earn her back. But I'm not sure how to go about it, if she isn't already seeing someone new, or if I even deserve it. So...I turn to you for advice. Do I let her go? Get on video chat and admit that I was an idiot and I still like her? Try to subtly find out if she's single? :help:
I guess the first step would be find out if she is seeing anyone. After that, I would suggest talking to her about it. However, you don't have to necessarily try and get back together with her. Just talking about your feelings and facing her head on should at the very least be therapeutic to the both of you. In the end, you will either have a new beginning, or some closure. If you just cut her out of your life, then you will never get the closure and it will drive you insane. I say emotionally prepare yourself for all outcomes, and then send her a message.
