This is pure hell (graphic)

Gay people get crushes on the the same sex, and fall in love with the same sex. If you are gay, there will be a "right guy," one that you want to be with. If there are no guys that you actually want to be with, romantically or sexually, then you are not gay.

You are not gay anyway, since you are pretty clear in other posts about your feelings for women. So you could be bisexual, but you are not gay.

If you are bisexual, you may as well date women until you meet a guy you actually like. Bisexuality would not prevent you from having relationships with women.

You enjoy sex with women more. There is nothing stopping you from pursuing relationships with women. Why are you forcing yourself to do things you dislike with men?

Do keep pursuing an appointment with a mental health professional--someone qualified to make a diagnosis.

If you get a diagnosis, come back and tell us about it, because I would be interested to know.

The experience you describe is not what gay people experience. Gay people have genuine romantic feelings for people of the same sex. Certainly, they actually want to have sex with people of the same sex.

Your orgasm just means that you were physically stimulated. It doesn't mean that you liked it. Rape victims sometimes climax.