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Therapy

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by quebec, Dec 31, 2023.

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  1. Cinnamoon

    Cinnamoon
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    To be honest I have very mixed feelings about therapy. There's been times where it's helped me and times where it's made me feel worse. I disagree with people who's first response always tends to be "find a therapist". However it can definitely be a useful tool under the right circumstances. I just wish people understood that sometimes it's not accessible for everyone depending on their situation.
     
    #21 Cinnamoon, Jan 19, 2024
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  2. WonderQuest

    WonderQuest
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    Hey Lance M. I'm bisexual as well. Not out to my wife yet, but working towards telling her. We are intimate and have a great relationship. I get nervous about how this might change things, but overall I think it will be accepted. I'm not looking for an open marriage so it's really more about me sharing this part of me with her. It's just an uncomfortable thing for me to talk about right now. The therapy is helping me get more comfortable talking about it and being open. Every situation is different with different people involved so I hear you about being nervous. There is always the risk things don't work out, there is also the risk that things remain the same and you have to hide or repress who you are. There is a cost to that. Another benefit to therapy is they usually teach you some ways to calm yourself down as you work through this.
     
    #22 WonderQuest, Jan 23, 2024
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  3. Altanero

    Altanero
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    I agree with you Cinnamoon. Although, for me, therapy is a solution, I understand that its efficiency depends on each person. I've been woth three therapists until I found the right approach for me. And it means that a lot of money and time is now lost... but that's how it works, unfortunately. Finding the right therapist sometimes is hard. And when you find one, it doesn't mean it's going to work. I know that a few years ago wouldn't have helped me if I had tried, as maybe i would have approach to my situation from a very limited perspective. Some therapists say that their patients come when they've reached their lowest point. I agree with that.
     
    #23 Altanero, Jan 23, 2024
  4. LlouW

    LlouW
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    Your words move me to tears, Quebec. Can there be hope for me? Like you I do not want to lose all that I have with my husband, I do not want a divorce. If I did perhaps my situation would be easier. I do not hate myself but I am afraid to come out to my husband.
    Most of all, I feel overwhelming depression because I don't think I will ever find happiness as a lesbian. Yet I can't stop being one. I have currently lost all hope, never in my life did I ever feel that I would be this hopeless. I am usually self-reliant and strong but I am at my breaking point now. Is there any way to make things better? Is God cursing me for being gay? I am seriously beginning to think that, it makes me angry with God, and I am not even religious!
    The only good thing is that I have hit rock bottom and from here there is no way to go but up. Unless I kill myself, and for some reason I have never wanted to do that. Quebec, do you know anything about PFLAG meetings, so you think they could help me?
     
    #24 LlouW, Jan 26, 2024
  5. quebec

    quebec
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    Llou.....I understand how the dark times feel. I felt like I was trapped...that I could not go even one more day trying to hide who I truly was and yet at the same time I saw no way that I could ever come out. I was the father of a conservative Christian family. A family with a long history of commitment to church. My oldest son was a minister and my wife's brother was in charge of the entire missionary outreach for a very large Christian denomination. I just could not be gay and at the same time I was gay. It was the wonderful people here on Empty Closets and the help of a therapist that truly loved his work and truly cared for his clients that helped me make it through. If you aren't currently talking to a therapist, please try to find one that lists working with the LGBTQ Community in either their CV or on their webpage. As far as PFLAG goes...I'm not very well informed about the group. I know that their initials represent Parents and Family of Lesbian and Gay (people I think). If they don't have something for you, I would imagine that they would be able to give you information about other resources that would be available in your area. The important ting here is for you to reach out and make contacts to find help, to find resources, to find friends...to find the help and support the you need!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
    #25 quebec, Jan 26, 2024
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  6. BiCavalier

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    I am having my second session with my new therapist tomorrow. So far so good. She is LGBT and that is one of her areas of focus. It is one of the reasons that I chose her, but far from the only one. I have plenty to work on outside of my orientation. I am middle aged, so I spent half my life screwing myself up! LOL.
     
    #26 BiCavalier, Mar 21, 2024
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  7. Jakebusman

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    #27 Jakebusman, Mar 21, 2024
  8. Altanero

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    I've been almost a year with my therapist, and now, at last, we have started having our sessions not every week, but after a two-week gap. I can't explain properly the feeling of peace that I've found after all this time. It could sound too much metaphoric, but with my therapy I've learnt to live in the certain of uncertainty. And that, somehow, brings me peace... My therapist told me that after all our work in sessions I've been able to start acting kindly with myself... and I think she is right.

    Therapy has saved my life. And I'm not overreacting saying this.
     
    #28 Altanero, Mar 25, 2024
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  9. BiCavalier

    BiCavalier
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    I love this part the most, "I've been able to start acting kindly with myself". That makes my heart happy!:purple_heart:
     
    #29 BiCavalier, Mar 26, 2024
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  10. Peterpangirl

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    And sone therapists are gay themselves...I've recently qualified as a therapist in the UK and I found it really helpful seeing a lesbian therapist when I was coming out. Thank you for this great post, David.
    Katya X
     
    #30 Peterpangirl, Apr 10, 2024
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  11. Chip

    Chip
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    One of the challenge with finding a therapist is that, unlike going to see, say, an orthopedic doctor, there is no standard way that therapy is conducted. Even if you have five therapists using the exact same specific modality, each one will do it differently. And from my experience (as both a colleague and a client), there are a lot of really wonderful therapists... and some really terrible ones.

    You have to find one who is a fit for you. And that isn't easy, if you don't know what a 'fit' looks like

    In short, someone who listens but doesn't judge. Meets you where you are. Doesn't give advice, but helps you see your next steps and goals. Sees you with unconditional positive regard. And, at the same time, holds you accountable for the goals you set for yourself. If your therapist isn't doing all of those things, they aren't the right therapist for you. It may take going through 4 or 5 until you find the right one. But you can, with some effort.
     
    #31 Chip, Apr 13, 2024
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