I've started paying for therapy yet again. I'm using better help, but honestly I feel like it's a luxury I'm even able to pay for therapy with a discount. I'm recently unemployed and even though I've been offered a temporary contract next month, I feel like my life is full of luxuries and even now I can barely cope. And so many choices I have rack me with guilt. For example, my car recently broke down and is uneconomical to repair. My family have offered me an old one they don't use much for free, and I can take that or keep a lease car I have on order. But if I pay for the lease car, I might not be able to save much or move out. But if I take the pretty much free car I'll feel like I've earned nothing myself and like I'm just spoiled. A friend of mine recently was in a bad way and I wanted to do anything to help them, but I didn't offer them any money which somebody else did and I felt bad. I keep thinking about this. About money, about survival. I feel like I should cancel therapy and spend every penny I have on saving and necessities and on helping friends if necessary. But I'm mentally ill with diagnoses and a history and need help. But even paying for therapy in itself when I feel like I should even be paying for my friends or being less selfish is breaking me up inside. I'm so torn. I want to save and be responsible and independent but I feel like I'm still leeching off my family and I'm useless to my friends and I'm a lightweight failure because I can afford to pay for what feels like a luxury right now. I'm so torn and stressed and I honestly don't know what to do. I either feel privileged or I don't get the help I need - there's no in between. And even after all this help I can't even afford a place of my own despite having held down several full time jobs now and I'll absolutely never own a flat or a house of any kind. I feel so weak like I wouldn't survive without my family's support and I can't even support other people I care about and its just honestly making me feel ill.
You know it's okay to ask for help and take it, if offered. We can only help others, if we ourselves are stable and shouldn't feel quilty for not being able to help. It's enough just being there for others, but don't forget your own well being as well. Therapy is expensive, but money comes and money goes. Your physical and mental health are what are present and actually allow you to earn money. If you're not healthy, then it's much more difficult. Saving up is a challenge, but even, if you can put aside 1 pound/euro/dollar, then it all adds up. Take the help offered. It don't make you seem spoiled. I'm happy you have actually people helping you, even, if it's by giving you a used car. If it helps you to get from point A to point B, with smaller costs, then it's a good thing. You can always pay back once you are way more stable, but I'm sure they don't expect it, but just wish it's helpful for you. Hugs.
Spoiled is daddy’s money buying you a Ferrari, not accepting a car that your family doesn’t use much anyway. Cars are ridiculously expensive right now, I’ve been thinking about trading mine in and buying a new one to avoid paying for all the repairs that need to be done and there’s no way I can afford it. Take what you can get. Don’t stop paying for therapy. I know it feels selfish, but you need to take care of yourself. Would you stop eating because a friend needed money? I hope you wouldn’t. It sucks when you can’t help the people you love, but you’re not going to be able to help them if you stop taking care of yourself. You aren’t useless to your friends. It’s okay not to be able to give your friends money with little notice (or at all). If they’re only friends with you because of your ability to help them financially, they aren’t your friends. There is plenty that you can do that isn’t giving someone money—help them move, offer to drive them somewhere, be a listening ear when they need to vent, help them research options for their difficult situation. Living is expensive right now. Housing, food, cars, gas, clothing, everything. It’s exhausting and stressful and sometimes you have to do what’s needed to survive and keep a roof over your head. Try not to feel guilty about doing what's necessary in this capitalistic hellscape.
I'm sorry about the car troubles and feeling bad. I think you should use the car family offered as needed and keep going to therapy. Tell the shrink what you said here about all this. Maybe a group therapy for gay guys would help and you can meet nice people there. It takes years of continuous full time work and not overspending to save up money. It's hard and not sure how I made it alone all those years ago, but I didn't have the mental health issues back then so that makes it harder for you. I hope you find a job you really like with good people who you have fun with and hang in there!
Thank you. Sorry, I haven't even had the energy to reply. I'm grateful for my family's help but even so I'm struggling and it makes me feel worthless and sheltered. I'm seeing my GP Friday because honestly my depression has become so much worse this week. I'm dealing with insomnia, rejection, loneliness, mood swings, lack of focus, irritability and just generally feeling like everything is too much. I might even mention I'm paying privately for therapy to my doctor and see what they say. Because I can't go on like this. So this could be triggering, I hope this isn't breaching site rules. But I'm passively suicidal and it worries me. There are also things going on I may not be able to mention due to site rules, in terms of trigger warnings and difficult topics etc, but honestly the only things keeping it passive right now are anxiety and just exhaustion. I'm too busy treading water to plan an escape. But things are not good and even though I can just about function day to day I definitely need more help. There's more to this too but I have a friend I'm lucky to have who understands and I will put this in writing before my gp appointment too to see if there's anything they can do to help me. A good friend pointed out that conversations like this with friends are evidence that I'm suffering, because it's like I'm making all this up sometimes and I don't really deserve the help. But I do and I'm hoping my doctor will understand.
It's important to say that good therapy is never a luxury and if you are experiencing suicidal feelings you should definitely stick at it. Remember, suicidal feelings thrive when we remain silent about our emotional struggles and try to go it alone. It's absolutely vital to have a safe outlet, where you can talk freely and openly about what's on your mind. It sounds like so many difficult things have come together at the same time and it's left you in a state of overwhelm, and it's within that state of mind that people begin to question the future and entertain thoughts of ending it all. But let me ask you if you would feel the same if you could get a better grasp on the issues that are causing you so much distress, right now. If you could gain a measure of stability and independence would it give you something to live for? If the answer is yes, then what does it say about the suicidal feelings? Visiting your GP is an important step in the process of moving forward. I would be very surprised if he/she didn't recommend continuing therapy. It's also possible they will look at medication to try to suppress the intensity of your feelings and you would be wise to take it. The most important thing is to not struggle alone. Silence makes us complicit in our own distress.
It feels like a luxury because I have to pay for it, but I have to remember I genuinely need it. The intense feelings have been getting worse because of a situation I've been in, and honestly having someone qualified to treat people with mental health issues tell me I'm not the problem in my situation has helped me a lot. I still hurt, but it's dulled the pain a tiny bit for now I guess. And yeah, they have. To be honest if I could get more stability and independence in my life I'd definitely say it's worth living. But consistent rejection and insensitivity from someone I care deeply about how almost broken me and I've needed the therapy to deal with that if nothing else. This person has become the centre of my world in many ways, and I put in a lot of emotional labour trying to support them and understand them, but honestly they treat me like I'm nothing a lot of the time, patronise me, consistently lead me on, shut me down then blame me for getting upset about this and it was worth a lot hearing my therapist tell me that this behaviour is cruel, whether or not it's intentional and despite what this person may be going through to be causing the behaviour. It's just not right and it's hurting me so much. To be honest one thing I worry about is my libido. My feelings for this person and the amount they've messed me around has almost killed my sex drive, alongside the depression and anxiety I feel so strongly on a daily basis. I've been prescribed fluoxetine, but my doctor told me sexual side effects are serious and real and that they don't even end when you stop taking the medication. So basically I feel like both my depression and potential treatment for the anxiety and depression are killing my libido and my chances of any relationship and that I'm basically screwed. I know suffering alone isn't helpful, and I'll continue paying as long as I can, but the expense of therapy and the loneliness and disconnect I feel from others is honestly slowly killing me right now.
It is cruel behavior by them and it's not your fault or your responsibility to help them through their issues, especially, if they are this cruel to you, but you already know my standpoint about them.
Hey how did your Dr. appointment go? I was on fluoxetine 40 mg and didn't notice any change in libido, if anything maybe with a little better mood I got aroused easier at least at first. I hope it helps you and maybe there are group therapy or something else the health system there can help you find that's reasonable cost or totally covered. I'm sorry all this is going on and I wish being with family made your life easier vs having to do it all on your own. Glad for the update and keep chatting
Whilst it is possible to obtain short-term therapy through the NHS, I think you are far better paying for it. It's an investment in yourself and not something you want to feel obliged to accept, just because the NHS is footing the bill. In private therapy you have more time to build up a relationship of trust with the therapist and that counts for an awful lot. Although therapy shouldn't be extended beyond the point of need (a good therapist won't allow that), you do need to give yourself and the therapist adequate time to unpick the strands of distress to be able to move forward. I also happen to think that therapy is far more useful for treating depression and emotional problems than antidepressants, so putting in that self work now may reduce the amount of time you spend taking Fluoxetine. Do keep in mind that alternative antidepressants can be prescribed if Fluoxetine causes bad side effects with your libido (but it's by no means certain that it will). It's not easy to leave behind feelings that we had for another person, even when they have treated us badly and indulged in harmful gaslighting behaviours, but leave them behind we must. Unless we clearly define our intentions and begin to move on and practice self care, they will continue to have the upper hand and trap us in a cycle where we begin to question our self worth and entertain despairing thoughts. Deep down you hope for more and you and worthy and capable of more. Therapy will help you to see that, so do what you can to prioritise it as an investment in your present and future.
Thank you. I do need it because I'm definitely not coping. A friend said I was a roller coaster tonight and they're right. I feel disconnected from everything, guilt over making a fuss about what's wrong, like I'm strongly attracted to people then my opinion of them changes, and like I'm unstable and nobody really cares. I actually have a headache tonight because of the stress of how I'm feeling and what I'm going through and I really can't keep going on like this. Sure I could afford a better car or get a room if I didn't have therapy but I need it. It's not even a choice for me anymore, it's something I literally have to do.
