The plan

Things are going a tad bit better. We are having date nights almost every night as our daughter is with my in-laws. I am in meetings during the day prepping for teaching the first week of school next week. It's nice to have something else to focus on. My husband knows I'm pretty sure I'm gay but we are still holding onto the sliver of hope. We are pretty confident with where everything is heading, but still trying to enjoy each other as much as we can.

I saw in another thread the confusing feelings of fear, depression, mourning, while also feeling excitement and liberation. This is exactly where I am at. I cannot help but become excited as I reveal this side of myself. I feel guilty for feeling that way but it is all new and feels right. But they I get depressed with how hard it is in my husband and I really think of the realty of losing him.

Oh and exciting but awkward.. my husband and I visited the girl I have a crush on at the brewery she works at last night to have a couple beers. He knows I have feelings for her. I was so excited to see her and tried so hard to not steal glances. We still had a good evening and he thought she was funny and cool. Just so weird!! He feels safe knowing she is straight. I'm still hanging on to the possibility that she's not totally straight lol..