The nature of attraction

I totally relate to this. I have butterflies in my stomach before seeing someone I am attracted to and feel nervous around them initially. But I also feel excited and its almost like a high (the dopamine I guess). I enjoy spending time with them and want to get to know them better.

I was wondering reading what you have written rosemarythyme, if you would prefer to have a more dominant role sexually? Just when you said with men you feel like need to submit to something (and that makes you a bit uncomfortable) where as with women you feel like you are more an active party...just a thought?...

 

I can see in parts were are you coming from. To be fair, I do believe you have legitimate reasons to feel safe around women beyond your orientation..... I can´t say I have same-sex experience either, so it's hard for me to give you more solid advices. It's so confusing for me as weel I created a thread based on that. But if it helps, what I read many people say this is all due to internalized homophobia and shame...maybe that's the reason. However, I don't trust on the argment that all the bad things come from that.....there are more subtle stuff going on.....the way we are raised, our beliefs, even biology maybe has some influence on the mess (we still know very little about how attraction works, and all the components). Su subjective atrraction proably has a role, but then, if people say we can change it, then can we find any human being pretty? (not saying sexually attractive, just pretty)

 

"I think I know what you mean but I don't know why it could be. It reminds me of a video I once saw about some sexuality research. The people in the experiment (identified with various sexual preferences) watched and listened to erotic stories (straight and gay) and the researchers measured their physical reactions and then had them self-evaluate how arousing they found it. I forget what they made of it but remember that in some people there was a difference between the physical reaction and the subjective evaluation.

Also just watching people in the street, there's a difference in the way men look back in that sort of checking you out way which carries with it the sexual tension and for me the 'danger' or apprehension and some sort of need to submit to something, while women mostly don't look back or in a totally neutral way which feels safe and makes me feel like the more active party in the exchange. I really wonder what it would feel like being checked out by a woman... Must get out more!"

I think it is very telling that our subjective responses are often different from the physical ones. I think it is probably easier not to "notice" the early stages of physical arousal if you are a woman, especially if it doesn't fit with what you perceive is your sexual identity. The point about being a woman looking at another woman versus looking at a man is interesting too. My experience with men is that I find myself feeling submissive if a male stranger eyes me that way. I find myself looking away. On the rare occasions that I believe I have made eye contact with a woman with whom there appears to be some sort of mutual attraction (my trigger being one, but there have been others) I feel sucked in towards her, like I want to carry on staring - maybe I am more comfortable with holding a gaze with a female as I don't feel there is any likelihood of a physical threat and I don't think she is going to make a pass at me - it feels like we are equally strong - that's actually quite an exciting and intoxicating feeling - mutual power combined with absence of threat.

 

I'd be very interested to read that article, Rosemaryandthyme. Where can I find it? Maybe if you are blind you simply more attuned to the other senses - hence the other aspects of attraction. There are many other aspects - such as what a person says and how they intone their words and what they smell like, how they express humour, how they perceive the world. Some people - male or female - have a smell that jars with me even though they are clean, and I'm sure I jar with others likewise. Weirdly, I realised I was simply aroused by the sound of my trigger's voice, even though it is kind of gravelly and rattling - strange - I would have thought a smooth, mellifluous voice would be much more of a turn on!!! Have you ever thought about the fact that many aspects of attraction are gender neutral? - nice smile/eyes, nice smell, humour, intellect, personal qualities and idiosyncrasies?