Hi! Im (21F) in a 7 month serious relationship with a guy. I drove home after working and traveling for a short period. During CDN thanksgiving he visited me in a city nearby. He said he likes me to talk dirty like porn, like I need his dick. On the drive back home, I was alone and had a lot of time to think. I was thinking about his comment and how it made me feel. I thought "I dont need dick" and then "maybe I'm gay" ..."oh!". I've never felt so relieved/horrible. Suddenly things seem to make so much more sense. I know what I should do, but I am absolutely terrified. I left to travel for a month period, wanting a husband, a cat, a house, children. Now I realize maybe I never wanted those things, maybe I only thought I did because that's what my parents want for me. I have felt for a while that I want to go, anywhere and everywhere! Having such a serious relationship, whether or not it is hetero, really holds me back, especially because he's a military service member. the past few years I have been downsizing everything I own. I could so easily go backpacking, get a visa to Australia and go. The thing that is really holding me back, I know my parents will think it is so irresponsible, they will question about money, they want me to settle down. I'm scared. Id love any advice. Thanks
HelloAshley B! Welcome to EC! Ultimately, you have to do what is right for you. If you focus your life on living up to anyone else's expectations, how can you truly be happy? In terms of your sexuality, it sounds like you need to explore your attractions more fully now that you've had a moment that made you realize that you might not be straight after all. We grow up in a heteronormative society where we are 'expected' to fit into the norm. For that reason, many people who are other-than-heterosexual never really even question their sexuality until they have some type of 'a-ha' moment in their life.
