So...I've been contemplating for a long time whether I should actually post here or not. I thought I could handle this myself but I guess I do need some kind of an outside input to see things in a different perspective. This is one of the 'best friend crush' types of story, again! So sorry, you people must be bored to tears with reading about such saddos . I've known this friend for almost 10 years now and when we first met we hit it off really quickly and gained trust in each other fast too. The trust thing was, well still is, quite a problem for me so I was pleased to see that I could tell her anything and know that she'd be discreet about it. Anyway, when we were younger we were quite close, sitting on each other's laps at school breaks, being inseparable and whatnot. I guess it was a couple of years ago that I've actually realised that I've had really strong feelings for her. Btw. I need to mention here that after 2 years of our friendship we got separated, I had to move to another city, and after a year I have moved to another country. We were both heartbroken when that happened. Wasn't too bad when it was only a city, but another country...phew, man! We were depressed. So anyway, it's been 6 years after I moved, and last summer I came to visit friends and family after 3 years absence. Needless to say, when I told her that I'm coming she was ecstatic. We went away for a week, just the two of us. And then one evening/night she asked me whether I was sexually attracted to her, I said yes. And this is where I got surprised, she also said that she's attracted to me. We started talking a bit about that, that there was always some kind of chemistry between us etc. Nothing happened that night. However, on the day when we were coming back, we started texting each other on the bus, then it turned into flirting, and we kinda ended up in bed together that night...lewd things and all. Also, I think it's important to mention, that she was the one who initiated it. I thought it'd be awkward afterwards but it wasn't, we didn't speak much about at first, but we had to sooner or later. Now, the problem is that she's got a boyfriend and she's been with him for 4 years. She told me she loves him and yeah I get it. But recently she came over to my place and I could see she's attracted. I did ask her later whether she was and she admitted it. I was too of course, but I didn't want to push my luck tbh partly due to being rejected (she did that once after that fateful night). I've got quite strong feelings towards her, there are times when I think it's going to be okay even if I won't be with her. I value our friendship too much to let it just go to waste because of me. When we talked about a possibility of being together she did have similar fears of it ruining the friendship and that'd she'd be scared. Then there are times when I can get quite miserable because of that, I'm trying kind of channel this feeling into something good but it can get pretty difficult at times. I'm just wondering whether it's only physical on her part. Oh, she also said that she didn't regret that night with me even though she's in a relationship...sooo yeah. That's all, thanks for reading, if you did manage do get through it all, I salute you!