Telling my family that I'm trans and plan to start hormones

Hey, EC!

When I first joined this site, I thought it would be a long time before I made a post like this, if ever. So, thanks for providing the support and insight necessary for me to even be in the position of asking coming out advice. If EC was created to make a difference in the lives of it's members, it certainly has in mine, and for that I'll be forever grateful.

To provide some context, at my last session my gender therapist and I decided I should slowly start physically transitioning. In particular, I want to start hormone replacement therapy. The main reason for this is that I'm still relatively young, and the idea of becoming more and more masculine as I age is contributing immensely to feelings of anxiety and depression. I'm sick of waiting to begin my journey, and I can't think of a reason not to that outweighs the benefits of actually doing so. Part of me is terrified at the prospect of what this entails, but I'm also so incredibly excited. I know I'm ready to do this. Also, my therapist suggested I use the fact of being on hormones as a catalyst to socially transition. In short, once I begin hormones, the clock is ticking as to how long I can still present as male without people asking a lot of questions.

This brings me to talking about coming out. My therapist recommended, and I agree, that I need to come out to those closest to me, aka my family, before I go on hormones. I need advice on how to do that. I've come out to my family as gay, and that went very smoothly. By the time I actually did it, it was an open secret. For that coming out, I sat down with each of my family members individually, and they were all very supportive. However, I don't think that approach will work for this coming out. I no longer live with my family, except for my sister, who I am already out to as trans. And I just don't know that this is going to go over that well with all of my family. My sister is incredibly supportive of my gender identity, and I know my other siblings will be as well.

I'm not sure about my parents. We get along just fine. Actually, I would say that my family is closer than a lot of others, in a weird semi-dysfunctional way. I'm really close to my mom, and my dad and I get along, though we're not close and rarely talk. Not because we don't like each other, but because we're just not that close, and never have been. But sometimes I feel like I'm turning out to be so different than what my parents expected me to be, and I feel bad about continuing to drop bombshells on them. I'm a gay (to them), liberal, atheist from a relatively conservative, pretty religious household. And while they've so far been supportive of all of these identities, I'm afraid that me telling them their son is actually their daughter will be too much to handle. But that isn't going to stop me from coming out to them.

I want to write a letter to my family. I wrote one when I told them I felt it wasn't right for me to be a Confirmation sponsor for my sister because I didn't believe in god, and, looking back, I think that was the right way to do it. So, any advice on what to say in coming out letter would be appreciated. I have a list of a few books dealing with understanding trans identity before I formulate it, but any suggestions would still be great. For those of you who did use this method to come out, how did it go? I'm going to spend a decent amount of time writing it, and I'll probably post it on EC for input. In the letter, I plan on telling them of my trans identity, providing the necessary information in regards to that, and stating my intention of beginning hormones. I'm not necessarily going to ask them to use my pronouns and new name right away, because I want to do a slow social transition as I go along in my physical transition. I'm not going to start immediately presenting as a girl, I just really want to get on hormones and begin the journey of socially transitioning as time goes on. I'm hoping this gradual approach will make it easier for them to process and ultimately accept what all of this means. Does this seem like a reasonable approach?

Finally, while I truly hope that my family will love and support me after this, as they always have, I'm in a place in my life where I don't rely on them. I keep in touch with them almost everyday, and I would be devastated if they weren't in my life, but I am fully financially independent, with a good job and living situation. Sooo....If you made it this far, thanks for reading my novel! EC is a truly amazing place, and I'm so glad I found it.