Sveiki! I’m Keller, just a regular genderqueer person from Latvia, a small country near the Baltic Sea, hitting my 30-ties, navigating life, striving to keep an open heart and an open mind. I’ll try to keep this short. While I am AMAB, since childhood I’ve knew that something was different (or, according to my parents and many other, “wrong”) in me, as I never quite fit into description of a “regular boy”, as was understood in my place of birth at the time, which resulted in a rather lonely childhood, during which I found solace in books. Real problems began in my teenage years, when my step-father decided that it’s time to “make a proper man” out of me, instead of “pathetic bookworm”. That, along with living in a ghetto-like neighbourhood, was somewhat effective - for a while I was an over-the-top “macho” guy and always ready to resort to fisticuffs at the slightest provocation - and as often seems to be the case with “macho men”, hiding deep insecurities. I was what was expected of me, but I was not myself, except when at home alone. Information on gender issues was scarce and hardly available in those times, with most sources suggesting that it’s some kind of mental disorder, so I avoided even thinking about the subject. So, I did the best I could to live like a “proper man” should, trying to ignore the constant pain it caused, resorting to art and substances to numb it down. By pure chance, I have met a certain person, who themselves were genderqueer, with whom I had a short-lived romance, who nudged me to explore my sexuality and gender identity. Slowly, over the years, things fell into their places - more or less - as I’ve learned about the intricacies of human psyche and accepted my own self. Living in a rather conservative (and in some aspects, backwards), I’m pretty much in the closet, open only to a few people whom I can trust. Albeit usually leading a semi-hermitic existence, I’m no stranger to human desire for connection. Googling around and lurking around various places in the web, it seemed like there’s good company to be found here, to talk about the joys and woes of LGBTQ people. Sorry for the long post, laconic writing is not my strong side. Happy to meet you people and have a good day!
Welcome, and greetings from Canada! It's tough not being able to be yourself around family and others. I know for a fact, being still mostly in the closet myself with family and most of my friends. You are not alone here. Empty Closets has a lot of wonderful people, and you'll feel right at home in no time.
Keller.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that night that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give you support and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent!) when that becomes necessary! *****There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out and join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. When I first joined Empty Closets I was in need of a lot of support and encouragement and I found it here…EC is a safe place. I hope that you'll find good things here too! Folks here will talk to you and share...you don't have to be afraid of asking questions...we're glad to have you! Empty Closets is all about making connections and giving LGBT folks a voice when they otherwise don't have one in their day-to-day lives. In particular you may want to check out the forum that is titled "Sexual Orientation”, there are people there who may have dealt with some of the same kind of issues that could be challenging you. Some info on how to navigate EC: When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something" When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership. *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! If you have any questions at all, you can always send me a Private Message. .....David
Hello Keller! I'm glad you found this forum to use as an outlet of understanding yourself more. Very proud of you for realizing that you do not have to be a product of the conservative town you live in. It must be hard to hide yourself, but I am happy you found someone to help guide you to being more comfortable with your true self. I am also new to the forum and hope to find more connections and people to talk with.
Hi Keller and welcome to the forum! I can totally relate to that being brought up in a conservative toxic masculine envoironment. I'm somewhat similar to you, also, in that I'm none-binary, bi and living a semi-hermitic life. In my case it's enforced (as I'm a full-time carer), but I'd like that anyway, I think. I do think maybe I'd also like to live in a progressive city, though, too, someday. I'm not sure, I'm torn both ways! The sanctity of nature is certainly a draw. Anyway, I hope you enjoy your time here and find it useful. I'm looking forward to hearing more of what you say.
Labas! Lithuanian straight woman writing to you. It's good to see some neighbours from a nearby country. I hope you're doing well.
Thanks for the welcome and to @quebec for the brief This really is frustrating, especially when it comes to family not being accepting and spewing bigotry, despite repeated attempts to explain the situation. It became something of a second nature by now, but it does get on the nerves sometimes. That could make a world of difference. I’ve lived a few years in a smaller city, the violent conservatism of the locals was astounding. But if you want best of both worlds, perhaps living on the outskirts of a bigger city might be a viable option, just far enough to see the forest in the window and still be able to get to city centre comfortably.
Oh, a neighbour! Thank you, I’m doing well, except now that you mentioned your country, I feel an intense craving for some cepelinai Hope you’re doing well, too
I'm doing alright, thanks for asking. I understand the craving for cepelinai and now thinking about them, it makes me want to eat them today lol
