I cannot get out of my shell. I just want "it" to happen. "It" meaning a relationship. I am still very closeted except to a few people, but am to the point that if someone asks if I am gay I would probably be honest and just say yes. Everything I have read on here and watched on videos, I have gone down the same path and internal struggles as everyone else. I just don't know how to meet people and am unbelievably shy. I know there are tons of LGBT support groups out there, but I feel I am late to the party, if u will. I feel like if I went there it would be me at 43 and lots of young guys and I would really feel out of my comfort zone. I am already jealous of them because they are living their life the way they want to and I've wasted so many years struggling with this. Any advice? I am screaming on the inside, but lost and timid on the outside. FML!! I know I can't be the only one out there like this. Please someone share ur experience similar to mine so I know I'm not alone. Thanks.
First I'm sorry for your pain. As far as younger people living their life the way they want...look at it this way. When we were growing up was homosexuality in any form acceptable by general society? No. Now, it's slowly becoming more accepted...laws being passed...more gay content in movies and tv shows...etc. So don't go kicking yourself for "wasting your life" when the fact is that coming out when we were young wasn't exactly...shall we say a brilliant idea? As far as finding a relationship, have you thought about joining a dating site? There are quite a few out there that have glbt personals. Guys our age and older. You never know, you might just find "Mr. Right" on there. Hope that helps.
I can tell you I have the very same doubts, fears and regrets as you do, especially the regret about waiting so long to come out. But I can also tell you that since coming out at age 44, I have been able to meet guys, build new friendships and am now in a relationship that just passed the two month mark. I'm rather introverted too, but I told myself I didn't blow up my life so I could sit alone and be miserable all the time. I accepted the fact that rejection and hurt come with the territory but that it was a risk worth taking. Since I live in a smallish town with limited support groups and social opportunities, online dating was the way I reached out to other gay men. And guess what, it worked better than I could have imagined. There were some false starts and hurt feelings but they didn't kill me. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Hey luvlontime, believe me your not alone. I feel the same way but I do find the more I embrace being gay the more outgoing I feel. Same thing for coming out of the closet. Its like hiding ourselves for so long saps confidence. If your near a big city try volunteering with a lgbt group which might make you better about being gay and also the dating sites. Ultimately we just have to push our comfort zone. Good luck!
Luv, I think you are reading the LGBT support groups wrong. I have been going to a local one, and was surprised to discover that most of the people there are 40 and OLDER, not teens or 20 year olds. A surprising number of them were previously married to women before they "discovered" themselves. Don't shut down this possibility by assuming things without trying them out. Check out your local groups, and even if you don't find who you are looking for in the first encounter, use them as a networking base to work from; the people know all the places that other gays hang out and where you might find someone who might be interested in someone like you. Give it a try; get out of your comfort zone, and try to get into one that is more comfortable and less lonely.
Yes, I too think you would be surprised at the age range of certain groups… well worth some research in your area. Actually while I think of it maybe just join some "groups" who do activities of any sort… it will help you open up a bit, widen your social life and that special person may just come in to view...
Spaceman mentioned the word I have been looking for: introverted. I have only become this way since my wife and I separated. Now if I am out in a crowd with anyone that knows me, I am very outgoing and can be myself. It is almost like a switch is flipped. I don't like it at all. I wish I could be the same either with someone or alone. Its like the phrase "phone strong". I am "tough" in a crowd, yet by myself a "wimp". Oh well, I appreciate all the kind comments and am gonna have to work on this. It will take time, but I know my "Mr. Right" is out there somewhere, and who knows, maybe in the same boat as me!
You're not alone. Gay, shy, out-later-in-lifer: together they make it difficult to make new connections. One change I've been working on is being kinder to myself -- remembering to celebrate the positive steps (even small) that I've made along this journey, rather than castigating myself for not achieving some elusive or unrealistic goal overnight. It's a difficult and lonely journey sometimes, but I keep taking baby steps forward. I think finding my inner peace is ultimately helping set the stage for finding "the rest" -- whatever that may be... My guy is out there -- our paths just haven't crossed yet. :icon_wink
You're TOTALLY NOT alone, Luv! http://emptyclosets.com/forum/lgbt-later-life/133567-late-coming-out-party-people-problems.html (*hug*)
Thank u sooo much for that. I loved reading all of these posts. I put a msg on there for u (and all of those posters) to consider. This problem has been eating at me more and more lately for some reason & tonight is the first time I am going to bed with a smile on my face. Thx again. (&&&)
