Suicide: Have you ever had the thoughts and/or actions?

Because I'm too lazy to type whole paragraphs, here's a list.

With the Suicidal Thoughts:

- What were they?
Well, considering they were SUICIDAL thoughts, they were usually in the category of killing myself (okay, I’ll stop being a smart butt). I wasn't interested in making anyone 'pay'. I just... Didn't want to deal with it anymore.

- How strong were they?
Uh, pretty strong. I got close to doing it sometime during the summer.

- When did they occur?
Summer time :3

- How long did they last?
They last a few days at a time, like a week at the most.

- How many times have you got them?
Shoot… It was pretty frequent. Let’s see, two months of vacation, usually about two days break between the bouts… Not good.

- What did you do about them?
Nothing really, I fought it by myself. One of the reasons religion is so good for me, I would probably be dead now without it. I honestly, though this sounds cold, would not care about who and what I left behind. After reading the Tenth Insight (Celestine Prophecy), I got an interesting view on my religion, because I had been doubting God at the time. It made me realize I wouldn’t want to spend my entire life committing suicide again and again because I couldn’t break out of a destructive habit. (If this sounds really weird, I suggest you read the books, I loved them!)

- Who did you tell?
No one.

With the Suicidal Actions:

- What were they?
Overdosing

- How far did you take it?
I had taken two Advil (normal dose for cramps and pains), but then I like… blanked out. I guess I dropped the bottle (I found them scattered on the counter) and had retreated to a corner to curl up. Luckily my mom doesn’t come home for a while, else she would have gotten the wrong idea.

- When did they occur?
Near the end of the summer, I can’t remember the exact date. I try to push the experience out of my mind.

- Did you have thoughts long before?
Yeah, I had thought about it.

- Who did you tell?
No one. I beat it by myself, I’m okay at the moment, no need to dig up old graves. (Or however that saying goes)

 

I have had some thoughts, but never acted on them. I do suffer from unipolar depression.
And, I go to a similar HS. The only thought that gets me through the day is that I will be going to a REALLY gay friendly college next year.

 

Thanks darling. You're a sweetheart

Straight after that happened I auditioned for a play and I got a lead role so I thought "I can't kill myself and let these people down!"

So I waited until after the show and by then I felt a lot better about my life and everything.

Sometimes it's good to just find something that takes up a lot of time and distracts you completely.
Worked for me.

 

Oh dear, how about this for a second post? >///<

With the Suicidal Thoughts:
- What were they?
Jumping off a building, driving my car off the road, overdosing, stepping into traffic, shooting myself, stabbing myself, oh man the list goes on… What didn’t I think of doing?
- How strong were they?
Stronger then I’d like to admit.
- When did they occur?
Constantly. I even started dreaming about them.
- How long did they last?
What feels like forever! And they are still lurking.
- What did you do about them?
Fought them off.
- Who did you tell?
No one.

With the Suicidal Actions:
- What were they?
Overdose
- How far did you take it?
Only far enough to give me some stomach pains
- When did they occur?
Two years ago
- Did you have thoughts long before?
Yes
- Who did you tell?
My family, school officials, my friends – but I never gave a reason why.

 

i started thinkin about it a few months ago then like last month i got really depressed and pulled a rifle out of my attic and put the barrel to my head, there wasnt any ammo in it or even the house, but at theat moment i kinda wished there was, im goin to a therapist now and im on sum wellbutrin so its all good now

 

With the Suicidal Thoughts:

- What were they?
Umm... mostly thoughts about suicide? They tended to revolve around the two key concepts of "No one would miss me" and "I hate my life..."

- How strong were they?
Not to strong, I'm very scared of anything which causes pain - let alone killing myself.

- When did they occur?
From when i was about 10 until a couple of years ago. My primary school sucked a whole lot for me, I was a complete and utter social reject. No one liked me, nobody cared if i was there or not, and i didn't have any friends. Compared to that, high school is a dream, i have a huge group of friends all of whom i am very close to. The only real hurdle i have left is my sexuality - i haven't told anyone about it yet... Although i guess my life can't get WORSE than it was before, i've already been to the deepest darkest depths of social rejection.

- How long did they last?
Umm, 5 years? Yeah... Kinda scary i know...

- How many times have you got them?
If i tried to remember that number I'd probably kill myself right now. A whole lot more than is healthy for you.

- What did you do about them?
Very little, i contemplated ways of killing myself and what would happen if i was gone.

- Who did you tell?
My sister, she helped me through it.

With the Suicidal Actions:

- What were they?
I wrote a suicide note once. I couldn't work up the courage to actually kill myself though.
- How far did you take it?

- When did they occur?
nearer to the end - when i was in my last year of primary school. That year was a living hell for me.

- Did you have thoughts long before?
Yes.

- Who did you tell?
My sister. I am VERY close to her - i'm really glad that i have such a wonderful and supporting person in my life.

 

I have gotten suicidal several times and attempted suicide three times. I will only tell about the latest one though as the other two are pretty gory. The latest time I got very depressed and attempted to hang myself. I tied the rope to a tree in my backyard and then climbed the tree to jump off and the knot slipped when I jumped down so I fell and hurt myself.

 

Tried 3 times - all by medication overdoses.

 

I have had some thoughts of it in the past, but then I always remember this...

While in high school one of my adult co-workers committed suicide. I know it's terrible to say it, but he wasn't a very important figure in society. He wasn't a teacher, he wasn't a public official--he was an average person.

In the days after, it was a real eye opener to me to see just how many people were affected by his death. Not just friends or family--other members in the community who had known him or had worked with him. This was evident, especially at the funeral. It was a small graveside ceremony, but there was still a very large number of people there.

No matter how insignificant you might seem, a death for any reason will affect many more people than you can even fathom. Nearly a year later, a co-worker suddenly burst into tears. She had been reminded of him, and everything he'd thrown away.

No matter how alone you are in the dark pit of your existence, there is always someone outside that will truly, genuinely miss you. Don't ever, ever forget that.

 

im not sure where to even start with this

things just aren't that simple, i wish it was every day.

 

Thoughts in the long-ago past, no attempts or actions beyond writing suicide notes.

 

I've battled moderate depression/bipolar and anxiety disorders for the last five years. I got into what started off as a great relationship with a girl named Tanya. Unfortunately, this girl didn't fire on all cylinders, and last year was quite possibly the worst of my life. I was literally trapped in a relationship with a crazy person.

For instance, according to my ex, I was having an affair with my best friend (which I wasn't). I wasn't spending enough time with her (although, with the hours we worked, if we weren't working we were home together). I didn't give her enough affection (despite the fact that she was the reason my sex life had the Jewish name of Passover).

Finally, the relationship dramas (along with a host of other problems that crop up in life) led me to the highway outside my house twice in the February just gone. I don't know what stopped me, but I'm grateful to be alive today. I still have my best friend, my job. I'm living with my mother again after leaving the unhinged loon.

 

Yeah.. I remember when I was 12? I think.. I was on the stairs crying, because I wanted to die that night and my family was watching t.v, they didn't even realise how I was feeling. Not having any friends part from the ones, thats friends with my twin. I thought that it would be the same WITH or without me.

But I was too stupid I didn't even know how to die... Lucky me.

 

Pretty much every angsty teenager has suicidal thoughts.

 

I wish this was in the anomynos section but anyway, like alot of teenagers(I guess) I get these thoughts often, I use to self-harm when im realy angry or upset. never told anyone this but I dont realy need to now, I now tend not to show any negative/upset emotions which im getting so no one knows when Im upset, or happy even which does take its toll after a while.
I attempted suicide once when i was 15, doubt it will happen again.. I fear death cuase I do beleive in god and hell, just at the time it did not matter just wanted to end

sorry for any spelling mistakes its late here and writing this reminds me of thinhd

 

I have had suicidal thoughts many times. I have attempted it a few times. At times I have told no one of my suicidal intentions, other times I had.

 

After reading what everyone else has said I feel I should add in my own tuppence of gloom. I hope not to weary anyone but someone may find it helpful to read my story for whatever reason. There is not one part of me which has any doubt that my past casts a long shadow over who I am today both happy and sad. Despite this, from what I have been through I have come out feeling so much stronger if a little darker.

In my early teens, as this is where it inevitably starts, I discovered to my confusion that I really liked guys. I fell in love with my best friend...the object of my desire not knowing how every night I frustrated longed for him. This was tormenting for me as it conflicted entirely with my heavily religious upbringing in Christianity in particular Roman Catholicism. It was thought by all involved that I was destined for priesthood. Having confessed my 'sinful' thoughts to my local priest I was warned against a path that would lead me to hell. So being young and confused, not being able to help how I felt, I thought it would be God's will for me to fight it. This led me to become increasingly withdrawn, insular, and ever alone with my thoughts. I lost many friends and along the way some friends and family died which I found very hard to cope with.

Predictably, this led to me being bullied at school and having no friends to back me up I felt very alone, heartbroken (due to previously mentioned lost friend) worthless and an abomination to God. There were some very dark moments indeed where I contemplated suicide and I fell into what the doctors called a "very severe case of clinical depression". I considered carefully my options as to how I would take my life and I started collecting pills, any and all pills I could find. My plan was to take as many as I could and then hope I'd pass out and never wake up and times I set myself up to hang but found the idea of a chocking painful death too scary. I did try overdosing once but was caught. I hated everyone just not as much as myself. Self harm was a big issue too. My unique take on it was to run the hot tap over my hands for as long as I could stand scolding myself which hurt even more because I have dermatitis (a form of eczema). This feeling was so pure and bracing in my mind that for a few moments it made me forget all emotional pain and I concentrated fully on how physically painful it was. It was very addictive.

Many years of counselling and bouts of deep depression followed with many days I found so difficult just to get out of bed and often bursting into tears. It was such a struggle as I didn't fully accept I was gay until I was around 17 and by that time I had rejected any concept of god or essence before existence, left school, had a boyfriend and didn't feel as bad although from time to time became a little depressed like walking a knife edge it was so easy to fall off into melancholy. That being said, it was a very creative time for me as I did a lot of writing and painting.

Typing this has been difficult as I prefer to forget how bad I actually was. I suppose I must learn that I can never fully escape from my past in that it will always haunt me unless I embrace it no matter how painful it is for me to remember it.

Right now I am in an amazing place. I volunteer, have many friends, on a course I love and have a wonderful, loving boyfriend. Worlds away from that desperate teenager locked in his room trying to escape this world.

 

I have considered it before. When my depression gets really, really bad I just bottom out and stop functioning altogether. My best friend doesn't like me driving then either because I'm super out of it and one time I just started flying and almost drove myself into a tree on purpose. (And when I say flying, I mean like 80 mph on back-country roads, all windy and such.) I've had plans before that I never went through with and I was hospitalized once because of threats I made.

 

I have never consider suicide as an option and I will not solve anything. I try to have a positive attitude all the time, and I remember that a bad moment/situation will not last for ever. Life always give us changes to solve our problems and be happy, so killing yourself is wasting all the good things life has ready for us.

 

Well, i think suicide is a very selfish way to escape ones problems. That being said I've put a loaded .357 up to my temple and pulled the hammer back just to hear the sound of my own mortality. To be honest, being able to take ones own life is one of the only true freedoms we really have. I find it very calming that one day i could have the choice to splatter my brain's out on the mesa. Why? Because it was my choice.

After reading that over, i am a bit hesitant on posting it. That's just how i feel.