I'm sure the regulars here have noticed the multiple "what type of GSM are you?" threads that have popped up in Chit-Chat. I went to answer one of the more detailed ones, already expecting trouble with describing my sexual orientation, when I suddenly found myself facing a different problem. Putting my gender as female looked completely wrong. I do feel some connection to a female identity. However, I don't feel entirely female. I'm not agender because I do have a gender. I'm not male because that just seems even more wrong than being female. The term "demigirl" has always appealed to me. It would at least allow me to give a name to the discomfort I feel when I'm treated as a female. Yet a part of me is afraid to be anything other than female. Most of this fear seems to be related to romantic relationships, since I am very attracted to women who are attracted to women. I know there are plenty of polysexual women out there, but the girl I am currently interested in is, to my knowledge, not one of them. And I was really starting to like her, too. This is all still very new to me. I've done enough reading on gender to be familiar with the basic concepts, but I'm not used to thinking about them as being relevant to my personal life. Right now I'm trying to decide what exactly being genderqueer would mean for me, what steps, if any, I should take next. I've never particularly liked my birth name, so I've been thinking about picking a more gender-neutral one, even if I only use it in my head. Thoughts?
Sounds like you're in a similar place to where I'm at. I don't have any answers really, just chiming in because I strongly relate.
Being genderqueer doesn't have to mean anything for you that you don't want it to mean. You said you're mostly worried about relationships... but if you're worried about being rejected because you don't think of yourself as 'purely female' I don't think it will cause as many issues as you think. If it's about not wanting to be treated as purely female, then it's something you'll really just have to talk about with your partners. Either way I think you'll find people who understand and respect who you are. (*hug*)
