Struggling - Too Old to change?

Laconian, I think your reaction is normal. I sometimes had those feelings too, especially after just coming out. Perhaps it's because the notion of acting and trying to be "straight" was so deeply ingrained in us while we were growing up. After so many years of trying to act straight, it seemed so alien at first to finally accept my homosexuality. Now I am looking at life through a different prism as a gay man and it is giving me a new and welcome perspective.

 

What you are feeling is completely normal, even if my personal story is very different than yours, i even thought i was too old to accept myself as transgender when i was the very young age of 11, which was a long time ago. A lot of people have had these thoughts. And it is never too late to change, whether you are 15, 30, 60, 99, any age. It takes a lot of strength to break out of what society, family, and friends made you be. it may take time. Real self acceptance is very hard to achieve, you may never truly reach it. and that is okay. You need to try, no matter how hard it is, to get rid of judgement you had or learned from many years ago because being bisexual or gay is totally fine, being anything else is fine and normal too. having thoughts, feelings, and experiences about/with the same sex is something many, many people experience. there is nothing wrong with it, and there is nothing wrong with you.

 

Going through the same feelings. But the gay side comes back stronger each time. Very strong

 

It's on your terms. You can shape the person you want to be. There's a huge gamut of personae in this world and you can be whomever you choose to be, irrespective of your sexuality. That makes for the persona you've shaped plus the sexuality that goes with it.

It will probably take baby steps. I have talked to men who have had one, two, or three divorces prior to settling in on a new sexual identity. I am so glad for you that you have a therapist to help you with this. A good therapist is an ally. For people who have been in these situations, it involves reframing most things. There's no rush and you shouldn't expect to do it overnight. Work with your therapist to eventually come up with objectives and benchmarks.

 

I can understand that you feel different and like an outsider to the people that have been out for years but honestly you are not. They have all been where you are now and for most of them it was probably equally as uncomfortable. It doesn't matter that you've never had a lover, being gay or accepted as gay is nothing to do with the number of people you have slept with or how long your relationships have been. Even if you'd never slept with someone of the same sex it doesn't mean you can't be gay.
The people you have been meeting, have they been unaccepting of you or do you just feel as though you don't fit.

 

This is my first post I'm a biological male in my late 50s and have wanted to be female for as long as I can remember. I feel so depressed that I will never know what it's like to get my first period or experience going through puberty as a girl. It just doesn't seem fair that I'll never be able to be who I really am. I'm married and have to hide my girl clothes from my wife. I tried therapy but didn't feel like it was going anywhere. Just wanted to "come out" here.

 

Struggling with acceptance is nothing to be ashamed of, a lot a people are struggling or have struggled in the past. Have you managed to speak to anyone in the group about how you are struggling?

 

Welcome to EC. Its never too late to finally be free.

 

Hi I can certainly relate to some of your story. I am 63 and first acknowledged my attraction to men in my early teens, however I didn't do anything about it until my late twenties. Being in my teens in the seventies in Scotland was not the easiest of places to come out!

My first time was with a guy ten years senior to me whom I met through personals after I moved to London. It wasn't great and technically I was probably raped as he ignored my pleas to stop before anal sex but they were different days then. To top it all he left me with a dose of crabs. That experience put me off for ten years during which time I got married. Married life was great for just over a year when my wife got pregnant. This event basically put her off sex completely! When my son was about 15 months old my job moved to Holland. This was early nineties and still pre internet, however it was Holland where every form of sex was more available in various formats.
To cut a long story short I spent the next twenty years meeting up with guys about once or twice a year. Then I got bored and dissatisfied, I wanted more than cold meaningless sex or I wanted nothing at all. So for the last ten years I have not met up with anyone other than my left hand!
Maybe one day I will experience my true self but time is slipping away.

 

It is never to late to become who you really are. I started to come to terms and acceptance of my homosexuality in my early 50's after a lifetime of play acting straight. I was so good at it I fooled myself! All I can tell you is that the last 2 years of my journey to becoming an openly gay man has been the best years of my life. Certainly not without pain and disruption but in the end it allowed me to grow, learn and accept that same sex attraction is nothing to be ashamed of. It is just as normal, just as meaningful, just as sensual, as anything I ever experienced in a heterosexual relationship. Honestly once I was able to compare, gay is so much more fulfilling, emotionally stable, and sensual amazing. There is no comparing my sex life now as opposed to my " straight" days. I am more emotionally in-tune with my BF than I ever was with an woman I had been with. However this does take time and you need to do some work on yourself. I too suffered from internalized homophobia, shame, guilt the whole nine yards. I didn't want to be homo, queer, fag etc. Over time I was able to work through all that ridiculously biased hetero-normative brainwashing to realize that the path to happiness lay in becoming an openly gay man in a relationship with a wonderful man and living the gay life style that adds so much nuisance and depth to my existence. Have said it before in other posts " I love being gay and every aspect of gay life".
Go for it!

 

Hi thank you for your kind words

Thank you for your kind and inspiring words. Several years ago I found my way into a gay bar having been to a failed meet up. I can honestly say I had never felt so comfortable and at home as I did then. I didn't speak to anyone apart from the barman to order a drink but it just felt like I belonged there.
For most of us life has complications and I am no different. I have been married for over thirty years and my wife would not be able to look after herself on her own. I still love her very much and couldn't live with myself if I caused her any harm. If I had been born thirty years later with the internet just around the corner I think life would have taken a very different turn.

 

Rob13955, I have said many times I wish I had been able to acknowledge being gay as a teen. I believe my life would have been so much better. That being said we can’t go back and we can only forge forward towards whatever our future holds.

 

Fear. Bingo!

 

Lol, I want to drive to South American in a camper van and see a million things. Like attend "Carnival" in Brazil!