Struggling to see way ahead after coming out to wife

What was the film B? do tell?
I've been enjoying Mae Martin's Feel Good, to myself naturally. Also reading every damn trashy romance/bromence I can see as remotely suitable on Kindle unlimited. I'm leaving a trail for the kids to find, but hey, like you allude - they're down with that, I 'm sure...

 

OMG 74. I can't write at this time. You must be so on edge. When I hear this casual phobia it makes me mad. Sometimes, as in you soon-to-be-ex frend (?) or may be soon-to-be-empathtic transmogrification (we can only hope) it's stronger than you couod have ever imagined. And they're not worth it, life ain't long enough. My friends just junked the whole idea that I'm gay. And my wife decided she could accept a Bi me. And then forgot the whole thing. I'll get back here asap. M/K

 

Thanks Maldoone! You are spot on about my friend I’m afraid. soon to be EX…. I need people around me who believe this is me and are okay with it without being threatened.

 

I think I found out who my friends really are when I came out to that small gathering. It was planned, I'd been thinking about it for a month. It was shocking. From disbelief to blatantly taking againt me - actually presumptuously siding with my wife, whom they assumed would be horrified. So I have fewer friends than I thought, homophobic a*'s the lot of them. And they realy, really are.
So I guess I'll have to find new friends. Well I've done that before. It ain't over till it's over - as they say.
I'm rooting for you. Brave soul that you so obviously are.

 

Oh, yes, I've seen this in action. We were in a conference room and one of the head people made a homophobic outburst about someone at an organization we were consulting with. It's because this one guy's name came up while someone was giving an updated status report. Everyone was taken aback because it was so out of place and so loud. This organization was over100 miles away and we'd only gone over there a few times. I felt like saying, "It takes one to know one," but I think I just closed my eyes and faintly shook my head since I was sitting a little ways back.

What are the names of some of these movies? I'd like to know too.

 

Recent movie I enjoyed was "The Way He Looks" .. Portuguese, but does have English subtitles.

 

Mmm yea.. funny thing.. thinking about it now... I think I have only been to a straight club / bar about 3 times in 25 years.. funny thing .. all other times places where LGBTQ establishments... Wife was fine with it normally involved her best friend (gay) that did not do straight clubs, he would generally suggest the excursions . So I wonder if my wife ever picked up that I was in my element or thought it weird that I was fine with guys being a tad flirty. 1+1 ? Anyway ... good memories ...

 

Really liked Centre of My World with Louis Hoffman, German wi5h subtitles

 

Will add to my library and my "to watch" list.

 

If you can't find it on any of the usual channels. try bflix.to. Best to use an adblocker and incognito. Everything's on there...

 

Thanks, will do. Did some classics, Cabaret on Sunday, The Birdcage last night, family loved it... will see what next

 

O yes.. forgot.. wife and I had a conversation .. actually about guys...it was brief.. but there was some acknowledgement on what I find attractive in a guy. Progress? will see where it leads...

 

Well done! This sure does sound like progress. You will find that once you are on the road there is no turning back. Wish you the best of luck!

 

Only just seen this, 74. Jesus...bang goes my illusions about Austin being this really cool, tolerant, liberal enclave in Texas.

You've nailed it by saying she scared your friend. Tear off the hard outer shell of any transphobe and you'll find a cowering frightened individual.

Beth x

 

Ever feel that what you want to say is on the tip of your tong .. but just so bloody scared to say it ... one of those days... I feel I just want to come out and say it ...

 

My wife asked me why I wanted to look like a woman. She’s really searching for something wrong with herself I think. I told her I wanted to start with breasts and go from there, but i wanted the option to be able to function as a man too. She totally thought I had totally lost my mind. Why in the world would you want to have boobs when you have a short beard. I said I had to start somewhere. This is getting very complicated…Any thoughts?

 

Any thoughts? Do not underestimate how seismic this is for your wife. She has not been in your head for the past few decades. This has probably come out of the blue and is still a complete shock. She's probably still in denial and is hoping, perhaps, that this is a passing transient whim that you'll forget about in a few weeks.

I know of transwomen who are still together with their spouses after coming out, but all have said it's difficult. The relationship changes - how could it not?

Let love and empathy guide you. And the best of luck!

Beth x

 

Hi B, How are you bearing up? I just wondered what you've said so far?
Although I know (now) that I've been gay/bi all my life, my wife has only been made aware six short years ago. I don't know if she's assymilated that news, I think she's canned it and put the can in the back of the cupboard. The reason for my preamble is that my own experince is that my feeling for another life come in waves, and this one is stronger than I have ever known. But I can't find the right time to break this to her. I realise there never will be a right time, and this year we have family troubles involving her brother. So if I left now, (in a perfect financial world), she would be alone. I'm trapped - but that, I guess, is part of what I signed up for when I asked her to marry me.
So many people press the divorece/separation escape key, and so my departure from this calm scene where I'm behaving like a swan (serene above, paddling like F* below) is a common happening.
In my mind, I've already gone. Just how to make that happen is going to take a little time and a fair bit of patience trying not to go off half cock.
It doesn't have to happen immediately, it can take time. Or not. Ain't no right answer.
Loving a book I'm reading just now, about two bi's in their 20's finding their way. A Million Little Moments by Riley Hart. More pulp I'm sure, but it keeps the dream alive!

 

Thanks Beth. Yes I do know how much she was shocked. She is angry, scared, confused, etc…. Whew do I! I have tried to be there for her and that helps, but her sharp angry outbursts are hard to swallow. She’s trying not to do that but she’s human. Put the shoe in the other foot and it gets pretty creepy. What if it was her telling me that? Honestly I din’t know where this all going but am trying to stay calm and supportive and at the same let her know it’s not about her in any way, shape, or form. My counselor says be patient, but she says if I’m not prepared to leave I have to expect my marriage to begin to unravel. She believes she has just lost her primary support person in her life. That may not change. So here I am being patient.

 

"what I signed up for"

This resonates with me, is this true? Did we sign up for it?.. Did we know the choice we made more than a life time ago would affect our lives this much? If I knew I would have came out decades ago ...

That said, I do agree with you.. I know I signed up for it, well knowing what I knew and who I am, denying her that truth. No wonder she is distant, its understandable. (me rambling .. eesh)

I am just trying to see a way forward. I want to get over this. Get past this, what ever it is.

I came to a conclusion though (with help) that I am indeed alone and I think that is all I want, to to feel this way.
( again me rambling, think my mood is not conducive for this today.. bit fragile)