Do any other women on here have this issue? If so, how do you deal with this? Last night, when I was quickly getting groceries, the guy making sandwiches in the store was whistling and actively trying to get my attention for about a whole minute- beyond the point of comfort (not that I'm comfortable with that attention anyway for any amount of time, much less that long.) The store is small, and I was definitely doing everything to stay out of his view and ignore him, get the things I needed and get out, but even so he kept at it. I wasn't even getting sandwiches or anything, I was walking around the store. Things like this happen alot, and I just wanted to know how others deal with this. It really upsets me when it happens, it triggers my ptsd, I hate the way they make me feel, especially when they follow me on the street(he didn't, I mean other instances.)
I don't have this problem (probably because I'm overweight which makes me skeptical when it comes to wanting to lose it), but boy do I sympathize with women that do. Some women I know ignore them, others shout back at them to make it grab the attention of others (very brave move though lol). Really sorry it keeps happening to you, some people can be complete pigs!!!!
Do you ever listen to The Guilty Feminist? It's excellent and has some great ideas and one of them that one of the hosts came up with for such a situation is the turn and face the guy, raise your hands up, palms facing him and say, "Not cool!". I think it's very clever because it isn't confrontational but clearly indicates that he's being an idiot. Just a thought.
I'll check that out, thank you. Could it be they sense ivm not confrontational? Not that I'm sweet and demure either, I ignore them with a scowl, because I'm losing patience with it all (especially when i'm sick and need to run some errands.) I need to find some kind of way to be more like the people I see who do say something for others to hear.
I'm pretty sure they don't give you any thought. It's all about them and what they want. I'd say give it a shot. Maybe practice in your mirror until you think it'll be a reflex when you need it. ;]
I do ignore it, they just smile and laugh like i'm being cute or something (the way adults softly chuckle when a kid does or says something cute or ridiculous). I think I do need to learn to be more confrontational, which really sucks because, especially when i'm sick, I don't have the patience or energy at times to find different routes home or take different transportation, etc. One time, I took 3 different ways of getting home (all of which ususlly does the trick to shake them off, but a good 45 minutes later or more, he was still following me.) And, on a bus, a guy stood blocking me into my seat, leering down at me for the whole time. Alot of it was my fault, in that case I should've moved- i couldn't think, i just froze and was shocked and scared. The bus was relatively empty, especially in the aisle, it wasn't rush hour. I had to say 3 times in as harsh of a voice as I could, excuse me, before he deigned to move. I do everything to hide my features, dress in ways to hide everything, I don't know what attracts them. My last therapist had no clue either. After years of things like that happening, I've let myself go in many ways to try to make myself less attractive, but they still bother me. While statistics show this has risen recently in my area (or at least more women report it), I don't think it happens this much to others. It certainly obviously happens, I just mean to this extreme or often. I've talked with other women in my area and they don't seem to have the problem that strongly. It might also just feel that way to me because, when it does happen, it feels very isolating and personal. I didn't mean to make that a rant, i'm just frustrated right now, it wears on me more and more everytime it happens.
I am sorry you had to and have to go through this. Its not OK for someone to harass you in that way. I hope you are alright.
Ok, i'll try that! I'll also look for more things like that to practice as well. Oh(as a side note), and I noticed you're in BC! I'm moving next year is the only reason I'm bringing that up. How do you like it there? Or feel free to write on my wall if you'd rather not on here.
Thank you for your kind words No one should be going through that. I really feel for people who go through this and worse, and (not to grt political), it seems to only be getting worse now.
You're moving to BC? Bring your umbrella. Haha. Kidding. It's really nice, right now. But seriously. Bring your umbrella.
I've had issues with this a couple of times. When some guys do that, I totally ignore them. But if they persist, I'll turn and stare at them right in the eyes with the most pissed off/angry look I can put on my face, and they usually frown back at me and visibly look a bit uneasy. That's usually enough to cool them down. There was that one time though that a guy in a bar wouldn't let go and actually came behind me and attempted to touch me (sexually). I turned around and punched him without any warning. He was a lot taller than me, and I didn't hurt him much, but he just looked in complete shock and quickly went away. These type of assholes are generally destabilised when a woman show self-confidence because they expect you to be too scared to do anything.
I need to learn to do that or at least have the potential to do so. Like I said, I freeze and get scared (I am petite btw), but I know that makes me the victim and all I can do aftet is kick myself for being so stupid and enabling it. Ivm not saying everyone it happens to enables it, I think because of my anxiety, I just beat myself up for letting it happen and blame myself. Itvs really weird, I hadn't been able to find any women self defense, just regular self defense. At least from a reputable place. From things I've read, they make it sound like for women's, they address the issues more directly in terms of potential signs of sexual assault and the dangers for women. Whereas the regular self defense just focuses on muggers who attack men or women.
Yeah, I heard the weather can be finicky. I don't mind the cold, the hot might be a little tough though. I need to compare it to the weather I have now. Thanks for the heads up though!
I actually took a self-defense class. Best thing I could have done. I'm a bit small too and very skinny, I probably look like a good target for those guys harrassing girls. The important is to look confident, you don't have to be. I was super scared when I punched that guy, but I didn't let it show and he ran away. Most of them want an easy prey, not one that will put up a fight. For the classes, even if they don't specify if it's for women only or both men and women, it all ends up being pretty much the same, and you'll find mostly women in these classes. They teach you where to hit to neutralize someone in a split second, you don't even have to be tall or strong. They teach you things that even a child could have the capacity to use against an adult. It really helped me to build up self-confidence.
