Hey guys, All my life my parents have said you have to be straight straight straight. But when I reached high school, I started to have interests in other guys. Because I went to an all boys school and didnt get out much I'm not sure if I was interested because of the lack of girls or because I was really gay. However now that I'm in second year uni, I've made friends with a lot of girls. I'm not sure if I'm really interested in them though..... In primary school, I crushed on girls before but in high school I had a deep crush on this guy whom was so wonderful and we were friends, had the best personality and smile. I've been attracted to girls and guys before especially around campus. I've always been scared to indulge into my gay urges as my parents would disown me, I know this for sure. I've been turned on by gay porn and straight porn in the past. In my mind, if I had to choose between a straight relationship which was okay and a gay relationship in which I really loved the guy (deep love), I would definitely choose the gay one. The youtubers Ethan and Mark E Miller, whenever I see their videos, I get jealous of the real love they have and their relationship. The type of relationship that includes lots of fun and love between the two. I think if I was in this type of relationship I wouldnt even need sexual activity.................. I'm scared of finding out who I really am, trying to find that person who truly makes me happy................ Any advice or tips or knowledge would be so great guys thanks!
You need to live your life for you and not for anyone else regardless of who it is. You can explore your same-sex feelings without your parents knowing and if you think they will kick you out if you come out, don't come out until you have your own place and aren't financially dependent on them. I regret denying my own feelings when I was younger even if at the time it felt like the best option because denial feels good, right? But again, I wished I would have just been honest with myself from the start because then I could have accepted myself and found happiness sooner. If you make the choice to be honest with yourself you might get a relationship like the one you want. All that matter is your own happiness, not your parents or anyone else's. This is your life and you are only here to please yourself. I know it's easier said than done but being afraid to be who you are is no way to live. As for what your sexuality is, I think that from what you have described it sounds like you are either gay or bisexual. You said that you have crushed on girls before and they might have been real crushes or maybe they happened because you feel like you should crush on girls. Or maybe you just really like the idea of being with a girl (I know I did, but with a guy). Were the crushes on girls any different from the crush on the guy you had? Same for attraction, does it differ between guys and girls? Some people, before they realize they are truly gay will think that they are bisexual and that is all part of the accepting process and adjusting to being gay as well as breaking down the image of themselves as being "straight". It can take a while to become used to it and fully accept it. I think that is something to think about and it can help you realize whether you might be bisexual or gay if you agree that you are one of the two.
