Straight but totally Lesbian

Oh yeah, definitely... I had tons of "boy crushes" when I was in grade school, looking back now there were no real "crushes" exactly; I was in 2nd-3rd grade when "JTT" (Jonathan Taylor Thomas) was THE cutest kid on tv and *everyone* was soooo squeal-y over him. So was I. I had his picture on my wall forever. And my three biggest crushes before 6th grade were Andrew, Nick, and Jason... Even wrote Jason a love letter *gags!*. .... Andrew and I planned our wedding. lol But it was silly grade-school stuff, I never felt for them *anything* like what I've felt for people I've actually fallen for. I think a part of it was the kid-mentality of "he's so much fun to hang out with, I love playing games with him, we are interested in the same things, he's funny... I *must* have a huge crush on him!", because why else would I be spending recess with a boy? lol

 

I can remember having the feeling of 'boys are cute but why would girls want to marry boys?'. It's kind of a strange thought pattern I had because I HATED Barbies in traditional sense. I always would take Barbie and put GI Joes clothing on her, or Ken's pants with a pink shirt and made her drive a police car. My mother has told me that I used to bitch about princesses in stories always getting rescued by princes then getting married to them, and why didn't the princesses save themselves or have another girl save them. I also was angry that the prince in Cinderella didn't remember her face, only her feet. I guess, my whole thing was boys can be cute but why do we need them? I ended up being straight curious and tried sex with men. It felt gross and wrong, and I confirmed my lesbianism.

 

Hehhe I actually found myself going back into the closet when I comfort-dated a female friend of mine for a few months. When I finally broke it off with her, I came bursting back outta that closet like R-Kelly.

The thing is, I'd never want to change being gay. Even if being straight would allow me to show my friend the love she wants or make things less awkward for the family and my friends. I just feel STRONG being outta the closet. I feel like I can be me, I can stand up for myself, and that I got nothin to hide and nothing to prove. I can wear what I want and not care, whether it be some bright-tight clothes or some baggy jeans and shirt, I just actually care a lot less what people think of me.

Heheheh anybody else feel totally liberated by their gay side?

 

@ I use to make my two barbies kiss each other and I use to take the baby doll that came with one of the Barbies she was a doctor and I would make them raise a kid together it was so cute . and I would feel so happy they got to be two mommies :icon_bigg
I also hated fairy tales and still to this lol feel the same way about it that you do

 

I used to get very upset about Cinderella's prince not remembering her face. I always used to ask my mother 'Was it a masked ball? How come the prince only remembered her feet? Is she the only one that had that size of foot in the entire town?' My theory now is Prince Charming has a foot fetish.

I used to make my Barbies live together too. Ken would just be their friend or come to their house to play NES, Atari, and watch their new VHS player.

 

I remember putting up posters of the jonas brothers around the time camp rock was a thing cause all my friends had them up and in about 6th grade being very frustrated that I didn't have a crush (I did but it wasn't a guy) so I would just chose some guy all my friends talked about and say I liked him. Another clue was when everyone was swooning about hot this guy was they'd ask me what I thought and of course I'd say, "Oh, he's hot" and for some reason those words never felt right leaving my mouth. I remember everyone was shocked to find out I didn't like guys cause, "You dated him? What happened? You said you really liked him?" *sigh*

Fairy tales irritated me too I swear. I used to get so angry as to why the girl couldn't just save herself and why does the story always end with her marring prince charming and riding off into the sunset.

 

that was me!
as a pre teenager i always felt like a loser for not attracting as many boys as my friends. (i realize now i wasnt that interested on them anyway). so after i broke up with my first long time bf, at age 20, i started meeting so many guys in clubs and stuff. kissing, playing with them most of the time. two years and many guys after that i started to want a relationship again, but no guy in the world seemed as interesting as that one girl i had a crush on. and thats when i started realizing i was a lesbian.
some friends find it weird that i was able to kiss so many guys and be a lesbian now. but after i explain better they understand

 

I can so relate to that. I even thought I was bi for a while so that I would be at least a bit "normal."

 

I really thought I was straight for many years, and I guess the fact that I can get somewhat attracted to guys (personalities, etc, but not really their bodies and I don't want a relationship with a guy now) made it harder for me to realize that I was not. I just never really thought about sexuality much, just assumed I was straight. I didn't understand my girl crushes at first, so I just thought... I don't know. I really didn't think about it until I was around 15 and then I thought I was bi. Two straight relationships later I realized that I'm most likely a lesbian.