To begin with, I am "out" by all relevant measure to my friends, family, and coworkers. Everybody knows I'm transgender, and everybody calls me Lydia. Everyone is respectful and patient with me, and even when they slip up and a dead name or a male pronoun appears, they are apologetic and I am equally forgiving. I've also been working with customers at my job, directly speaking with them. I am misgendered constantly by said customers, and I do not have the will to correct them. I don't care about "bro" or "sir" or "man." They hear my voice, feminine - with softly draw out "s'" and a gentle sweetness - and evidently odd for my features. Some are nice, some are neutral, some are impatient and immediately I detect their dislike for me. It's okay. I'm not afraid, or at least not enough to retreat or act foolishly anyway. This is Trumpland, a place where his flags fly on the back of diesel trucks and his hats and shirts are a common sight. I feel some measure of nerves about what I might do if confronted, but I feel no genuine fear. No more than anyone else in my position. The world cannot reject me more than it already has, though I'm not foolish enough to say it won't try to hurt me still, just as an example. History is littered with the bodies of those who were randomly chosen to frighten others into obedience, and the US is regressing in LGBTQ rights, along with so many other civil liberties that protected so many vulnerable peoples, it's like the courts are in a race to see who they can take the most away from before 2024. I'm not entirely prepared to fight for my life, but so far I've had no reason to fear that may be even remotely feasible. People around here puff up and get mouthy, but they're cowards and - what's more - they're struggling just like I am. That's why they're so afraid all the time. Life is hard for them. They want something easy to blame, something they already don't like, that explains away all their fears. It's easy, given their nature. To them, there's only one god, one country, one beer, one brand of vehicle, one sports team, one thing to give your feelings to whenever they get to be too much. It's easy to see why people raised on this thinking want a villain they can grasp at, someone they can hurt, rather than something that's hurting everyone and has no physical shape. It's easy to beat a chubby transwoman down, it's impossible to lynch a giant economic apparatus that's devouring the world itself and will never stop trying to make slaves of us all in service to an ever vanishing few. To be honest, the situation on all fronts seems grim, but I've plenty of hope. I've survived a lot, I'm more than three months sober, I'm stronger than I've ever been, I'm kinder than I've ever been, I try a little harder every day, and I genuinely want to spread love and joy foremost. I want to help people, even the ones who hate me. I want to see them prosperous and healthy and educated, enjoying their lives; I literally want that for every single person. I'm not the monster who wants to take their children and mix them up and enable their mutual submission. I am a simple woman, I love family and friends and laughter, and I just want to celebrate my life and my identity without being hated for it, like it makes me a criminal or a pervert. That's why I'm out. To prove it. To prove it for myself and for all of you who want to be out too. I'm really trying, even though I'm a mess. I'm trying to show them they're wrong about us, and I'm not afraid to be. Most of all, I want them to see that this is what brings me harmony, this is what makes me so kind and so considerate and so sincere... Which means I have to be kind and sincere, even when I'm screaming inside. I'm not bragging here or anything, but I'm in the trenches for us all. I'm out there fighting and changing the conversation. It's not always good, and it doesn't always work, and I'm scared, but I'm fighting with everything I have. And like any monsters that would start a war against a defenseless opponent, their first target is children. Much as they hate me, I'm not the little girl who doesn't get to play soccer with her friends because the school district decided what's in her Disney underwear is a matter of public dispute and precludes her admission to such extracurricular activities. I'm not the freshman in high school who just had the state tell him he can enjoy his breasts and menstruation until his 18th, and if they have their way 21st or maybe later, because his doctors do not matter in his care if the state says so, Uncle Sam knows best, after all this is the Land of the Free. I'm not the non-binary 8-year-old already struggling with autism whose legislature is currently deciding whether or not their chosen pronouns and name should be respected by adults if it makes them uncomfortable and said "adults" don't want their kids to "turn out gay." They're just a few of the many reasons I'm out there, aware I might be threatened or harassed for it, and refusing to let that stop me. And so are all of you; all of us deserve to be free of this nonsense. So I'll keep fighting, and I hope you'll join me soon. We can win this, I've seen it, and the world is watching; we can win. Stay strong, everybody! I love you all!
Lydia, you've just summarised the current global backlash we're facing in a pithy two sentence paragraph. Bravo! And good news about your continuing sobriety. You're right about being in the trenches in this stupid pointless culture war. But we will win - demographics alone will ensure that. Have a great day, my sister. Hugs, Beth xxx
you summed it all up, as hateful as they are, powerless bigots are still our kind in that they are powerless alone. some would say it's class consciousness 101, but it's still something that is easy to forget. i certainly am not saying that one ought to forgive or love them. but i believe that someone like you, who sees what they share with those who refuse to, is leading a good fight. stay strong and keep loving yourself for it will make the world a better place.
Lydia, I think you are the shit. I love reading your posts, they get me pumped. Okay. Lets talk about the trumpists. Please keep being you, and please keep rubbing your thriving existence in their whiney little faces. I've done the whole "stay in the closet, live as a man" jam because the twumpety-trumpers scare the shit out of me, and I can't imagine facing them without my manly-man armor. I say this as a person who lives in a state bluer than a B.B. King record. They're everywhere, and they suck wherever they go. But what I've learned is that you can't win with these fuckers. They can sniff out anyone who isn't one of them, and they're merciless. From the different but parallel trenches of a trans-woman still in the closet, I'm so glad you're out and living you. You could grow a beard, wear a MAGA hat, and chipmunk-stuff your face with Skoal, and they'd still sniff you out. That's how scared they are! Their senses are heightened to animal levels. It's actually very impressive, and I get your feeling of wanting to help. Anyone who has ever tried to render care to an animal that was frightened or in pain knows that the animal is likely to bite or scratch. But some kind souls manage to not take to nicks personally and help anyway. That's rad. Please keep writing about your efforts in the trenches. I like reading them, and I think the act of writing about your strength makes you stronger.
I know I don't need to say this, but you guys are wonderful, I really mean that. Your strength and encouragement gives me strength, and that's how we win this; we find strength in each other and we work together! I love you guys, I'm going to keep fighting and working hard to prove those who hate us wrong about... well, everything they think and have been told about us! We're strong, we're beautiful, and we will win this! I love you all! Stay safe, we've got a bright, beautiful future and it's waiting for all of us! ^_^
