I am 51 and married and for many years now have been questioning my sexuality. My history is similar to many older people on here. As a teenager I had both straight and gay fantasies but remember clearly around the ages of 15, 16 and 17 thinking a lot about gay sex, finding it a real turn on and wondering what it would be like. I had crushes in a couple of guys at school but was also interested in girls and had the odd girlfriend and my first straight sexual experiences. At this time i don't really remember questioning what was this was about. Into my 20s I remember repressing the gay thoughts and focusing on straight sex. I would occasionally let myself fantasise about gay sex, particularly if I'd had too much to drink but afterwards I'd feel a lot if shame and wouldn't let myself think about it again for a while but it was always there in the back of my mind. In my mind I explained this as being straight but with gay fantasies. I met my wife when I was 26 and having a straight relationship and sex seemed to quieten the gay thoughts for a while. But as I got into my 30s the thoughts and fantasies were still there and I started to explore gay porn and online and phone chats. Gay porn for me was a real turn on compared to straight porn, it was just so much more sexually exciting. Although I had watched some straight porn I had started to lose interest in it anyway. As a progressed through my 30s and 40s I started to allow myself more and more to think about gay sex and realised that it was much more than fantasies but it was a real desire and I started to acknowledge I was probably bi. I also noticed I became less interested in straight sex and very rarely would think about it. In the last couple of years I have started to acknowledge I am probably gay. I just don't seem to have any real interest in straight sex at all now. All my sexual thoughts desires are for gay sex. I have also acknowledged that I do find men very sexually attractive. I'd always though that I also fancied women but I have realised that the attraction has no sexual side. I always felt there was something missing when I looked at attractive women but couldn't understand what it was. Now I know. However, somewhere deep inside there is something stopping me from accepting this. I have said to myself that I'll only really know once I have had sex with a guy. Is this right. Given all the evidence am I just trying to put up one last wall before I have to accept it. Obviosuly being married means I can;t just go out and try it!