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Still Bi, or a Straight-Up Lesbian? And how to factor in identities outside the binary

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Ham4Ham, Jul 2, 2017.

  1. Ham4Ham

    Regular Member

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    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Hey all,

    So for about five years or so, I've identified as bisexual. Somewhere in the midst of those five years, my attraction has shifted primarily towards women. At this point, I only try to date or have sexual experiences with women, and I think it's incredibly unlikely that I'll end up with a man.

    However, I am still attracted to men-- mostly on TV, rarely in "real life"-- but that attraction is still there. Again, I don't see myself acting on it on any level, but it exists.

    If I still have this minute attraction to men, but don't see myself acting on it, can I call myself a lesbian? It feels dishonest to imply that I could see myself involved with a man, but I don't know if this very small attraction disqualifies me from using the lesbian label, or could give others the wrong idea, in some small way.

    Also, on a more general note, how do people factor in identities outside the binary when describing their orientations, particularly monosexuals (sorry if that term offends anyone, but I'm not sure how else to succinctly express it)? There are so many different identities and presentations under the nonbinary/genderqueer umbrella, it seems odd and unrealistic to imply that someone couldn't ever be attracted to someone under that umbrella (I know I certainly have been). Honestly, this bothers me more than the very slight attraction to men when contemplating a shift from the bisexual to lesbian label.

    Thanks for everything! :slight_smile:
     
  2. Creativemind

    Regular Member

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    Out to everyone
    Depends, I suppose. If you don't feel a large attraction to men and don't want to date men, then the label isn't going to do much harm. There are a lot of lesbians who are kinsey 5's or have a small attraction to men. It only confuses people when they keep consistently sleeping with or dating men after coming out.

    For me, I'm not emotionally attracted to non-binary people because I don't like the idea of having to use neutral pronouns or a neutral lifestyle with a partner. I can be physically attracted to anyone who has a biological female body, and passes as female, but I wouldn't date them. Whether being attracted to non-binary people changes your sexuality too is an unknown.