Still coming to terms with who I am and I would prefer for people to not know until I tell them. It seems that since coming out to myself, certain comments hold more importants than before. It now seems that I might have given off unintentional signals that may indicate my not 100% heterosexuality. Just a couple of examples. My mom has been inquiring about my other friend’s girlfriends and about who I am going to prom with. I’ve never had a girlfriend. And I would not mind having one but I’m not good with relationship stuff to begin with and I don’t want to give the impression I’m gay. I also had a girl who was really into me and showed it a lot, lots of hand holding and sweatshirt stealing. Hell I even slept in her room, but I never thought we we’re more than friends. Now I realize she was into me even after all my friends had told me so. I thought they we're just messing with me. I don’t want to seem gay because I was not think of doing anything romantic/sexual just because I was not interested and have standards. I as have a really good friend who likes to make a lot of gay jokes. Not mean things just that questioning a man’s sexuality is always supposed to be offensive even in the lighthearted way we do. I feel like I’m reacting differently to her comments and that she is bringing them up more often. I really hope she hasn't figured anything out. My friends want to set me up with an old friend who I had a crush on in middle school. I’m kind of interested in how this could turn out and maybe I’d be happier with a girl friend, I fear however even if I turn out to not like her anymore that ill just use her to hide my Bisexuality from my family and friends and end up hurting her. I still want to try for her but I don’t want to end up trying for the wrong reason Any tips on advice on how to deal with staying undercover and appearing straight. I like to think I act pretty "normal" but I could be doing something I don’t realize. I realize it’s not good to suppress this sort of thing but I would prefer to come out to people in my own time and in a way I can control, also I would prefer to be comfortable with myself before other people have to be comfortable with my "choice". :help:
I don't know if what I am about to say will help in any way, but I will offer my two cents. I used to be very self-conscious, particularly in middle school and the beginning of high school, about my mannerisms and other behavior. No one had ever dropped the hint that they thought I was gay, nor did anyone ever ask me or suspect that I was gay (that I know of). Still, I had this weight on my shoulder -- I did everything I could to hide the fact I was gay. I was so worried about hiding something that wasn't even obvious, that I didn't even take the time to enjoy my late teens. You can't enjoy your life if you don't fully embrace yourself. I am willing to bet actual money that you haven't tipped anyone off, unless it's for the sole fact you haven't shown as much interest in girls as your friends. I am not one to advocate lying, but I always made up an excuse like "I'm too busy for that". As for hiding mannerisms and other behavior, please don't! You will be way more unhappy if you try to hide these things, rather than let things happen naturally. I don't think you have, or will, out yourself unintentionally based on the way you act. I hope this helps, or gives some insight. Let me know how things are going!
Firstly, you're in a similar situation to where I was 6-9 months ago. Considering you live in NY (not the Bible Belt of the USA), I'd recommend coming out slowly. Admittedly while people will question if you're gay because you havn't had a girlfriend, you can easily say you havn't had a boyfriend either. But coming out isn't your question, straight cover is, so I'll move on to that. Firstly, as long as you don't go around "gaying the place up", you'll be right. However, avoid being homophobic in any way, otherwise people will suspect you're bi/gay. Also, take the gay jokes as a straight guy would, or just don't pay attention to them. Secondly, if there was quite a bit of questioning about your sexuality, a GF may be a good idea. If nobody's questioning, just go with what you want to do. I'm 16 and probably half the grade has had a GF, yet I havn't, despite being friends with >10 women. It'd be hard for anybody on this forum to tell because they don't see you IRL.
I finally sucked it up and told my Girlfriend of 7 years I like guys a few days ago.... she knew. It seems you can't hide it from the people who love you, they can just tell that kind of stuff... except my guy friends from high school.... but they jump from rooves on to trampolines sooooo yeah, my gf is smart
I didn't come out till after i graduated high school, not a single person knew i was gay or asked. I did however deal with the normal your gay comments, or other jokes. But i simply took am as that, i always thought a good sense of humor is the best defense don't be homophobic but questioning there own sexuality your apart of the joke your not the joke, also dont feel like you have to butch it up, dont do sports just to be straight or date girls if your not actually interested in them thats not right to the girl they have feelings, simply be yourself... If your not a flamboyant person you wont have a problem.
The thing is i dont want to know weather or not they love me or not. those are the people i really dont want to know desperatly. today o a gaurdian of mine who is very close to me even said "you're gay" today after arguing about a song on the radio. Shje neve says that ever!!!! (BTW it was wether ot not a song was by Lady gaga. clearly not good hiding on my part. i dont even like her i just have a freind who is obssesed and i like to keep up with the times) On the way back from the gym a told her i saw aqauntence and that he always says hi to me and she sugested "jokingly" (thought it really did not sound like it that he was into me) i just brushed it off because i was tired from working out. Im becoming paranois like no bodies buisness. I feel like i m ight be going back to denail and bargaing im so scared of other people finding out. the thing is im kind of intersted, dating has always been a forgien concept to me and for soem reason it seem like a big deal all of a sudden. im just worried that if it turn out im not intested that ill just keep dating to keep up aperances. Im just so scared right now. Im not Ok with myself for being Questioning and the last thing i need is pressure from other people
I wish i could say more to help you, i know you are very concerned still, i was very paranoid that people knew when i was in the closet to, i hung up posters of women, i even always commented girls i knew on myspace to tell them there pictures we're pretty, a social profile is a good way to have people think your straight add lots of girls as friends, just remember that just because someone know it is not nesacarily mean they will tell anyone, and they may never discuss it with you till you bring it up themselves.
See the bolded part? That's your problem. You're becoming every bit concerned that you're going to reveal yourself too early and how people will react. Paranoia is a perpetuating problem. You get paranoid about people finding out which means whenever someone makes a comment you get more paranoid, which in turn makes you act more straight and become more paranoid, meaning you become more paranoid when someone makes a comment. i.e. the cycle keeps repeating itself up and up until you break down. I think the best thing you could do here would be just to think through everything and firstly become comfortable with yourself and settle yourself into your own skin. That is, stop trying to be paranoid about people seeing you as 'gay'. Just because someone says 'your gay', it doesn't instantly mean they suspect someone is bi/gay.
