Hi there, I'm new (obviously). Found this site upon searching all day for somewhere to turn for help and some answers- or at least, information from people who have been there. I'm tired of being alone and confused. I'm a female by birth, I don't cross dress or feel like I am in the wrong body- so I know I'm not trans, but I am definitely not straight either. I've always identified myself as a bisexual female, the only term I knew for someone who likes men and women. Lately I've been having these thoughts or fantasies about being a male and having a female perform sexual acts on me. This has actually been a fantasy for years, just lately it's intruding into my daily thoughts more and more. I have this... longing? to know what it feels like to have a fully functioning penis. I do not want to be a man, I am definitely a woman in a woman's body, but I can't orgasm unless I close my eyes and imagine that I have male genitalia instead of female. I looked this up and I found the terms "autogynephilia" and "autoandrophilia", but as much as there is information for the former, there's not really any information for the latter condition (for lack of a better term). Also, and this is where it gets even more confusing, I am not only attracted to men and women in the conventional sense. I'm attracted to all kinds of people. To be completely honest, if I could pick the perfect partner, they would be a woman with a working penis. I don't know what that is. I know the term "she-male" is outdated and offensive. I don't know any other way to explain it. Sorry. I am sure that lots of people have days where they feel more masculine and others where they feel more feminine, but sometimes I feel like both at the same time. Or neither. Mostly I feel like I'm a woman, and like I said, I don't want to change that, but I have days where I feel like I WANT to be a beautiful, sexy, elegant woman, and have men falling at my perfectly manicured toes- and other days when I WANT to be a sexy, charming stud, and have the ladies chasing me. I dress differently from day to day, depending on my mood. Some days you'll find me looking more feminine, other days more masculine. I've always been "one of the guys" more than "one of the girls". I get along better with men as friends. I'm used to hanging out, drinking beer, playing pool or cards, watching shows like Family Guy and getting high, I've even hung out at strip clubs with guys. I feel like I could be a better man to women than most of the real men I know. But I also want to be romanced and swept off my feet by some handsome guy in a tux with roses and chocolates and diamonds. Well, I guess everyone wants that last one, lol. I think what sucks the most is that there's not enough literature out there for people in my situation. I feel so confused and alone. I can't even talk to anyone I know about it. I think I would get a lot of negativity and people wouldn't understand where I'm coming from and judge me. Especially my father. Not to mention if I want to use a dating site to meet new people, they only give you cookie-cutter options for your gender and sexuality, and limit who you can contact to one category. I want to be able to put myself out there for anyone who may be interested; whether they be man, woman, gay, straight, trans, or whatever. So frustrating. I mean, how the hell am I supposed to meet new people in my "demographic" if I'm being put in a box? Grr. Anyway, sorry this has turned into a longer post than I had anticipated. If you read the whole thing- kudos to you. Also, THANK YOU!
The proper term you're looking for is "non-op mtf trans," someone who will be mtf, but without getting rid of the penis (though estrogen might make it hard to work properly). It sounds to me like you would be gender-fluid: changing from gender to gender on a daily basis. Right, it's hard to find someone who is knowledgable about stuff when the interest falls on a minority; this is why we have empty closets though :icon_bigg Right now it sounds as though you should try and be genderfluid, being male on those days you feel like being masculine, and female when you feel like it also. One thing to keep in mind is that gender is fluid, so don't feel limited to just the binary. As far as acceptance, it might help to come out slowly, give hints, and try to educate those around you. You never know what someone's reaction could end up being.
First of all, I want to say hi and welcome to the forum! ^^ Now onto the topic at hand! I think like this a lot, to be honest. Though it's not limited to just sex with a woman. So, you're not alone! Being attracted to all kinds sounds like being Pansexual to me. This is me in a nutshell. I identify as genderfluid. Some days I want to be super pretty chick and get attention for it. Other days, I want to be a classy guy with a superior fashion sense. Then there are days, I don't feel like either. I'm just here. It really sounds a lot like you might be genderfluid? Which is when you have fluidity between genders. Male one day, female the next, inbetween on another day. Haha, I can relate to you on this so much, because it's really frustrating. Especially when you're genderfluid and your preferences could change at any given time.
Don't be sorry at all! That is exactly what I'd love to find as well! I love women, and I love the company of women, but damn do I love me some penis! The problem is, they're usually attached to guys! I'd love to be able to find a partner to be genderfluid with.
Wow! Thanks you guys! I picked the name "Pan in Van" because pansexual made the most sense to me after doing some research, so that's been confirmed now, lol. Gender fluid sounds about right. That was the closest thing I could find but then I got confused because of the autoandrophilia. I'm glad I found this site, and people who understand. Summer Rose- so a mtf trans is biologically male but dresses feminine? So do they have a "female" body except for their um, equipment? And if they feel like a woman, and present themselves as one, then wouldn't they prefer not to use their penis for sexual purposes? I'm sorry, I feel like a doorknob. Beloved- Thanks for the welcome! Yes I think about sex with men, women, and everything in between. I can't control who I become attracted to, any more than I can control my ethnicity. I don't think anyone likes to be put in a box or "labelled", but it's nice to be able to put names or terms to things, so I don't feel like there's something wrong with me. Stacy Jones- Girl, you is funny lol! I'd love to find a partner- ANY partner!
Yeah, definitely. I went for a long time not putting labels on myself, I was just here and I didn't know that there were other people like me (when it came to being genderfluid anyways). So when I found out the term, I was like "Oh. Wow. Everything finally makes sense. I'm not weird. It's completely normal, there's even a term for it, and other people identify as it so I'm not alone." So, I completely agree with you about "labels". Sometimes they're necessary. It's also nice to know that there are people who are genderqueer/genderfluid and feel sexual attraction with the same fluidity.
Actually, MtF means that they wished to be acknowledged as a woman by society, a female body playing a role in it. Essentially, MtF are biological males who identify as females. The thing is, so long as society acknowledges them as their preferred gender, changing genitals is a matter of preference; in fact, I suggested "non-op MtF" because op (short for "operation" that trans folk receive for their genitals) is never done, whether the person feels it unnecessary or is simply too expensive. Hopefully this helped clear a few things up, but if you have anymore questions, feel free to ask.
