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Sometimes, its as simple as a single thought

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Imjustjulien, Sep 9, 2017.

  1. Imjustjulien

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    Sitting here reading, keeping an eye on whats popping up on Instagram, the seemingly random (if algoritham-instagated) images which prompt my attention...

    ...comes my own random thought, clear as morning air, no doubt, "...I'm gay." Oh..surprise, gosh. I love it when that hapend, it's like hey, yes, you, we see you...

    Where did it come from, as if who said that, was that me. Surprise, joy, immersion, completion, comprehension. A zillion thoughts and that one pops into my present. Then its gone, then another... I'm dining on it, thats gay. Thats the rainbow that is gay, experiential to the core and back again. Alive, free, as flags in the wind.

    I feel elated, how come.

    Is it because a need a label, a brand, a confirmation, and acknowledgement. Do I even need to share it.

    There it is again "...I'm gay". I smile, I know. Like a heralding trumpet across the rooftops and into kitchen windows where mums are baking, they smile, intuitively knowing this secret of their child. My mum does, I know it, she knows it too. You're gay my son, I love you, lets have tea.

    It's not one thing or ten thousand, its everything.

    So there, my I'm gay moment for the day, its everywhere in everybreath and no where. And its there whether popping in as a thought, a feeling, or desire.

    Looking in and looking out, the world is just being gay every day in every way.

    Whether feeling elated, feeling love or being out of it, maybe feeling sad, feel happy bad or morose, feeling this way and that way. What's it matter, it's allbound to change as it does.

    Amid the maelstrom of daily life and all its bits and flurry, there's me, there you.

    And what is really nice, is you and I we share that magic, we can pick each other out on the street, nothing spoken no need lest you want, the feeling he's sees, she sees, that flutter feeling, in my eyes and in yours we are the same invisible rainbow.

    Unique, different, precious.... beautiful.
     
  2. angeluscrzy

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    I have those moments. They're great. Recently, I've been thinking a lot of how it will feel to one day have a husband. Sometimes it is jarring to realize just how natural it feels, and to think back and to see how emotionally disconnected I was in my past relationships with women.
    I played the part as best I felt I could, but never felt truly "invested".
    Now, I listen to a song by a favorite artist and think to myself how his voice just sounds like sex to me. And I think of how beautiful he is, and it is just wonderful to feel that sort of desire. It isn't forced at all, it's visceral, it just IS.
    It's strange to think how many years I thought I was "overromantisizing" with my gay thoughts, or just "making it up". It was almost like those thoughts and feelings felt too good to be real.
    Now, I'm just running with it and enjoying how great it all feels.
     
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  3. Adz6

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    Thank you Julien,
    Another wonderfully written piece.
    Since admitting to myself that I'm gay, like you, I have the wonderful " I'm gay momoments".
    What I have notice since coming to terms with it all , that the sky is brighter, the flowers smell nicer, my food tastes better, my emotions are in line. Everything seems right in the world.
    I feel like a different person
     
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  4. Sonata

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    I have been deprived of many good things in life due to my sexuality, nonetheless when l time after time realize that l am gay, l feel thrilled.
     
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  5. Contented

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    It is surprising to feel how natural it is to be in a relationship with my BF. More natural than any straight relationship I ever had. The depth of emotion, the physical thrill and pride in knowing once and for all I am gay and I love it. No caveats, no guilt, no remorse or regrets just total embracing of my homosexuality and it is beautiful!
     
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  6. Imjustjulien

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    Oh wow Adz6, thats beautiful. Thats exactly it. "I'm gay momoments"...hugs to you dear sweet gay friend...
     
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  7. Imjustjulien

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    Beautiful Beautiful Beautiful You...
     
  8. Imjustjulien

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    OMG...what I love about reading your words, is how clearly and sweetly and openly they rung for me too... thank you so much for sharing..
     
  9. Imjustjulien

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    Earlier tonight I glanced at a photo of someone whose gallery I follow on IG. Its a picture of him on the beach, standing at waters edge, simply a beautiful lithe body, handsome, to my eye gorgeous, with a playful smile as with one hand he is pulling his bathers down to show the white of his check, his other hand, biting his finger, ever so coyly, so invitingly I imagine...I'm hooked. Its such a beautiful feeling.

    Why am I describing this, because of my reaction. I so enjoying just looking at him, finding myself thoroughly attracted. Even now Im 'overwhelmed'. And I looked and stared, the sense, the realisation and the absolute joyful feeling of who I am

    I'm tingling. I found myself saying how wonderful it would be to be there on that beach with him. To splash in the waves, to hold hands, to play to kiss, to be together...and yes, to make love.

    My god, all that from a photo.... I feel like a teenager. But its so incigorating. Is this coming out, I'm out

    And again, pinching myself, come on, its a photo.

    But yes it's far far more.

    It is as you said angeluscrzy, one of those moments.

    And yes its 'Sometimes it is jarring to realize just how natural it feels' That is so true. I find myself so often wanting sit with another guy and talk about it, to share this...new me, this guy bursting out.

    As you said it too.. to see how emotionally disconnected - I also - was in my past relationships with women. I played the part as best I felt I could, but never felt truly "invested". That is so me. I realise now there is and there was nothing wrong with it, it is just that now I'm no longer going along with my own denial...that it couldnt be, trying to look the other way from my own truth about me, the man I am. It is that, just writing that down here now...shared with all here on EC.

    It is as you put it, 'not forced, but visceral, it just IS'

    And returning to the photo, of that beautiful near naked man standing on a beach somewhere..the though of which makes feel...well, I think of "how beautiful he is, and it is just wonderful to feel that sort of desire"

    Again from your words: 'Now, I'm with it' more and more and more 'enjoying how great it all feels'

    My whole being seems to be coming alive.

    Thank you angeluscrzy, and everyone here.
     
    #9 Imjustjulien, Sep 10, 2017
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2017
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  10. Adz6

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    Hi Julien,
    You have again stirred my emotions with that wonderful description of that fellow on the beach, the way you have described it, I can see him in my mind.
    You have a gift with your words.
     
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  11. TrevinMichael

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    who we are is beautiful

    we are all gifts

    thank you for sharing your thoughts
     
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  12. Contented

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    How wonderful it is to look at a beautiful man and without fear,guilt or doubt know that you are emotionally and especially physically attracted to him. To know that it completely right to want to be with him in every way. To no longer pretend, no longer to hide but openly and freely acknowledge that men turn you on, that men satisfy that most natural of human needs sexuality. To honestly admit that another man can completely satisfy all you needs, to be free of the hetero normative programming once and for all. To proudly say I am gay and I love being gay, no exceptions-no excuses.
     
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  13. Imjustjulien

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    Just gorgeous, so clearly unambiguosly put...I'm with you. It is just such a beautiful beautiful fullfillingly wonderful way to be. What's more it is so empowering and self-enriching to know these feelings, are shared, that we understand a whole world of people you and I...all of us, from beginning of one day to the next...I am gay and I love being and knowing and greeting and embracing and so deeply proudly gay...!!!