Hi there! Years ago when I was 14, I was in a crowded place, let's call it a bookstore and I was alone in one of the sections, Then a much older man started touching me and try to .... you know. That day I ran away from that guy but now after many years, I am dreaming about that guy and imagining myself with him. Does this mean I am Pedophile? Is it Nornal? The idea disgusts me...but I can't delete that momenta from my brain now.
Do not worry you are not a Pedophile this is completely normal this being probably one of your first times you ever expirenced anything sexual or had a chance of doing anything sexual. and therefor you knew what it felt like and sexual brain takes you back to this time
It doesn't make you a pedophile in the least. There is a wide range of feelings that are going to come out when you are a victim of sexual abuse. Especially as a child who has not developed their sexuality or the comprehension of the world at large. One of the complex things is the biological reaction and arousal to touch mixed with the feelings of shame, disgust, anger, fear. At times these feelings can simultaneously happen which makes it very confusing. I do understand where you are coming from and I want to say that what happened to you is not your fault. There is nothing wrong with you or your feelings. This did not make you a bad person, a pedophile or someone to be cautious of. Try to let the feelings come as they will with this and be kind to yourself on the shame. (&&&)
Oh Thank you both! It really helped my brain! A whole lot of thoughta were running there. I could really use a hug!