So hi I'm back here to vent again and I'm still not okay. I've been trying to come back here again to say that, but didn't think my words looked pretty enough. I probably sound stupid. I feel stupid. I feel like I shouldn't be on EC. I feel like I'm wasting everyone's time. I'm trying not to waste my own, but nothing I do seems to be good enough. Pride Month has been rough. It was supposed to be fun and gay. And it was sometimes, but barely. I sang "This Side Of Paradise" while in a closet one night, but the rest of them I was crying. Including this one. Being a lesbian is hard. It shouldn't be. I figured out what I am so why aren't there rainbows and girlfriends and gay jokes? Why do I feel alone and anxious and confused? It's 2 something in the morning and I'm trying to figure out how to put my emotions in to words. Something I've been trying to do for so long. Why is it so hard? Sometimes I think things like "you're too ugly", "you're too young to be so sad", and "you deserve to be lonely". I feel like nothing I do matters. I write a song, I'm never releasing it, hug my friends, won't see them for another month or so. They've got so many other friends, they don't care about me. Why should they? I have like seven friends and I'm anxious about every single social interaction. Wether I'm texting, or talking to my parents, my friends, even saying something in a live chat on YT. I'm disobeying my parents by even being on this site. They don't want me talking to people on the internet-especially a site like this, but I feel like I can talk to EC more than my parents. My dad will tell me I'm being retarded and my mom will tell me to just not feel how I do. They wouldn't understand at all. I'm not even sure anyone here understands. So, thank you for listening to my rant.
You are allowed to feel down. It sounds like your parents are telling you to ignore whatever negative emotions you're having, but that's not the best way to deal with negative emotions. It's better to actually talk about what you're feeling and address the problems you're having. And if you feel like you can't discuss those things with your parents right now, thats ok as well. It's not that they're bad people, they probably have spent a lot of time and effort looking out for you and providing the best life for you they possibly can, so it's difficult for them to know how to handle any emotional struggles you're having. I'm sure they'd like you to gain your own independence and find your own way, and they probably think you need to put your negative thoughts aside and focus on what you want, but what you want is to confront these negative thoughts so that you can move forward with your life. Don't feel bad about feeling bad.
Hey I am sorry you are feeling so low. Why do you feel a special though you are wasting our time? This isn't a support forum and right now you need some support so I'd say you are in the right place. We all go through periods where we need support and right no we that is where you are. Try not to be too hard on yourself. You have figured out what you are and that is great but sometimes it isn't the doorway to paradise that we think it might be. Some people figure things out take a step and never look back and that's fantastic but it doesn't happen that way for everyone and that doesn't mean you are wrong or that there is anything wrong with you it's just everyone is different and in different circumstances. I'm sure your friends care about you it's just when we are feeling low it can seem that they don't. I bet when you are with your friends you put on a brace face and pretend everything is good right? Some people have lots of friends and others don't. It doesn't have to be about quantity although I appreciate right now you feel as though you could use a few more. How old are you? You don't have to say exactly if you don't want to, just give us a rough guide.
