So, I've got a problem with my hairstyle and my clothes.

It may be important so I'm just going to say it: I'm a cisgender female.

But I hate dresses, that means if you see me in a dress then something's happening and I was forced to wear it.

I also hate shorts for girls because they are very short. One day, when my mother gave me my brother's new shorts I was so happy, they were long enough for me and I felt comfortable in them!

I hate shoes like high heels etc. It just hurts and I don't see any point in wearing them… yeah, it makes you higher but it's not a good enough reason for me. They say that my legs look better in high heels but I don't see the difference?

There's also make-up and it's… okay, I guess? But it's not something I would wear every day.

My hairstyle makes me uncomfortable, I've got medium-length straight dark brown hair and I wish it was shorter…

You know, in May I had to search for a dress because of the middle school ball. But I ended up buying two one part suits, thanks to my godparent's wife.
When I put on the suits I felt beautiful, something I don't feel often.

I remember the first time I put on a tie (I kinda stole it from one of my brother's closet) like it was yesterday. The feeling was amazing.

And I want to do something with my hairstyle - I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I asked my mother if I could go to a hairdresser, she said no. I begged her for a boyish haircut but the only thing she said was "Hah, pervert!". Like… I don't know wtf she was thinking when she said it.
I can't go to a hairdresser alone because I don't have any money and she probably would be angry if I did that.

Recently, I read a conversation of my mother and my brother (my mother wanted me to find some important info) and I've read that I'm not girlish and I look more boyish. The way it was written made me feel like it's a problem.

Maybe if I get to the most "prestigious" high-school in my town she will allow me to have a short haircut? I don't know…
Does anyone have a problem with me being boyish? I don't know that either.

Is there a way in which I can convince her soon?

 

Well, I've got four brothers. The youngest one is just… annoying. He would never help me. The second one is okay, I think. The third one is married and I wouldn't like to bother him. The oldest/smartest one… I think he would be okay with my appearance (I mean… he's got a LGBT filter on his profile pic on Facebook, sooo he's supportive?).

Now, since they (expect the youngest one) are adults and live in other countries, the only time I talk with them is when they visit Poland for a couple of weeks every two-three years and I feel some anxiety before even texting them.

Welp, there aren't any LGBTQ support groups. I've never heard of any Polish school which has groups like that.

I've got a friend who's also bisexual and she supports me… unfortunately, I may never meet her again after middle school finishes.

I feel like my German teacher would be supportive - she's the nicest woman I've ever known to be honest.
But others… there are some teachers who were surprised I'm going to an IT class because I'm a girl so I don't expect them to be supportive.

Thank you for replying. Have a nice day!

 

Okay, this will sound stupid, because it is. Now, she told me to fuck off and that I'll be able to do it when I get into a university because… there are also some fucked up people. I don't know if she remembers that her own son graduated when I was like… four?
And when I asked her the second time she said that she had no time for this. Later the same day, she was at the hairdresser with my brother…