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So, I have this friend...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Chierro, May 3, 2018.

  1. Chierro

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    He's a freshman at my university, I'm a junior. We actually stumbled across each other in the Fall after either him or I posted an ad on Craigslist. We started talking and hooked up once. I found out he regularly hooked up with other guys and had them suck him off because he's horny a lot.

    Here's the thing: he claims he's straight.

    I tried to talk about his sexuality with him a few times but he brushed it off. After Craigslist closed its personals section he was having a little freak out about not being able to find guys anymore so I suggested the G app. And he actually made a profile.

    He's met a lot of guys through there and continues to regularly hook up. I found out the other day that he actually started doing anal with guys instead of just getting sucked.

    I think these are all things we can agree that straight guys don't do, right?

    I've tried to talk about it with him before, but not recently, and I don't know how to bring it up. He's very discreet, to the point where he won't even tell me who he hooks up with (even though most guys here talk about that with each other), but he tells me what he does. I'm pretty sure he's not gay, because he does talk about girls, but I'm pretty positive about him being bi. I don't want to push him, but I also want to see him actually be comfortable with himself...which I'm not sure he is.

    Any advice?
     
  2. wardrobeescaper

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    I would call it bi, most would call it curiosity. I had this with one of my ex neighbours, had had girlfriend and two kids, but liked guys on the side and had done for a long time. I think some people are just sexual and dont worry or care they are getting it. I even have a straight friend who likes a cuddle every now and then. You can't always put a label on it. Do you see this guy as a potential boyfriend?
     
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  3. theamos13

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    I don’t think you have to put a label on this. He likes guys. He might like girls. He might be in denial. I know I considered my self straight for a long time while I was sleeping with guys.
     
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  4. Love4Ever

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    He doesn't sound straight. I think he's probably just deeply in denial and scared and that's why he keeps trying to hide it. Is he into girls too? If he is he's probably bi. I think the best thing you can do is just be supportive for him, be someone he can talk to when he needs someone.
     
  5. BiBarefeet

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    Nuts deep in denial by the sounds of it. Good luck to him.
     
  6. Love4Ever

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    It also sounds like you might have feelings for him? Is part of why you're asking because you want to date him? Because I would advise helping him come to terms with his feelings before pursuing a relationship with him. Otherwise, you might end up becoming one of these guys he meets on the down low, rather than his boyfriend.
     
    #6 Love4Ever, May 6, 2018
    Last edited: May 6, 2018
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  7. Chierro

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    Oh no, I don't want to date him. Not at all. I just want to be able to be a supportive friend, it's just hard to do that when he's really deep in denial.

    He's going to be one of my coworkers in the Fall so I really just want to be supportive.
     
  8. Love4Ever

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    Oh I understand now. Well I think it's great you want to be such a supportive friend. I think just letting him talk to you and offering advice when asked is the best course of action.
     
  9. smurf

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    He seems quite comfortable with himself from what you say.

    Someone who would be deeply in the closet and deep into their shame wouldn't go around hooking up with people and telling others. I think what you can do to support him is to give him the space to explore without putting labels on it. Let him be okay with playing around with guys without having to define what it means for his future or who he is a person. Just be there for him in the way that he needs you to be.
     
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