Re: So hard to word correctly: 13 yr old DD came out and now is seems to want to X-dr Hi Perplexed2! First, I'd like to welcome you to EC! You are demonstrating grace and compassion for wanting to seek out information and support for your daughter. I commend you for choosing to accept, love, and support her for who she is. And, you've come to the right place for it. If you want to share your story, ask questions, or just talk about what's on your mind, the best way to do it is to start a new thread, give it a title, and type away. And, of course, commenting on other posts is a good way to exchange with others and support this journey for us all. Take care. ride:
Re: So hard to word correctly: 13 yr old DD came out and now is seems to want to X-dr I completely understand, my mom had a really hard time about my "cross-dressing" too. I don't know what to say though. The little daughter is still there, she's the same person, just in different role and packaging. She still loves you the same for sure. It was difficult for me too. I always saw her being disgusted with people who didn't conform to the gender binary, so I got brave enough only when I went to college. And then she told me she was feeling as if she lost her "little daughter". But you know, moms hopefully get over it, at least if they are trying My mom started even playing along and pretends sometimes I'm her son in front of strangers, lol. She saw that I'm much more easy-going and just happier this way, and that's a thing to look out to as well. I've always been a nervous kid. Being transgender can mean a lot of different things to different too. For some people it means full transition, for some cross-dressing, and some people don't ever come out of the closet...
Re: So hard to word correctly: 13 yr old DD came out and now is seems to want to X-dr You know, my Mom only wears "boys clothes". A sports t-shirt, jeans, and a baseball cap. She rarely dresses up and even to formal events is always in jeans (of course her hair is long). She is straight and a woman, yet she's never worn a dress or skirt. So It's really not about being gay or trans, but the clothes someone feels comfortable in. I was wearing male clothing before I even knew I was a lesbian....simply because it feels comfortable. Women's clothes can sometimes be a bit trashy...too much cleavage, showing off curves, bra and nipples being see-through. And me being overweight makes me feel self conscious- I don't want to draw attention to my assets, so I wear baggy male clothes to feel normal. Of course, some lesbians need to wear male clothes because they felt "repressed" being forced into a role their whole life. It can be a phase as well as they work on accepting their femininity. But my reasons just have to do with women's clothes being too revealing/show offy. Most were designed to attract men and sexualize us, and as a modest person, I hate it.
Re: So hard to word correctly: 13 yr old DD came out and now is seems to want to X-dr Oh don't even get me started with DD. She is in a musical and wearing a DRESS. So she asked me how she is supposed to kneel and pick smoothing up during her scene. I show her and she is a complete Agador/Spartacus. I get it. You don't enjoy wearing a dress. But you made this choice yourself. You tried out for this part in the play and got it. Oy.
Re: So hard to word correctly: 13 yr old DD came out and now is seems to want to X-dr Good experience for her. You might almost call it "cross-dressing" hehe. When I read your original post I was reminded of something my mom used to say, usually in a philosophical tone when confronted by some latest wild style: "We'll there's nothing as temporary as a haircut." Think also about how in many parts of the country, girls dress more like boys to start with. In Minnesota, where I grew up, winter clothing was jeans and flannel all around. In SoCal, where I am now, there's room for a lot more diversity. So to some degree it's all relative.
Re: So hard to word correctly: 13 yr old DD came out and now is seems to want to X-dr Hi all, Being a parent is so challenging. It seems like every day is drama, homework, friends, the bus, a video game. I think I am making more out of my daughters announcement of being a lesbian than i should. I truly know it is fine however she wants to identify herself. I am fine with it because it is her feelings and a part of her. I love all of her. She seems so much more relaxed and smikey since then. On the otherside, I need to come to terms with it. I am surprised by my own confusion and anxiety over it. A lot of emotions and questions have gone through my heart and mind. I am trying to remind myself that it is nothing I did and her being a lesbian really has nothing to do with me. It is her life to live the way she was born. I can only nurture her and give her a safe home and do my best to guide her to make safe choices and friends. I need to keep reminding myself. I can't control her or make her do anything. Which anyone who raised a toddler learns but sometimes forgets. Thank you all for being here and giving me somewhere to express my thoughts. ---------- Post added 20th Nov 2016 at 04:50 PM ---------- Hi all, Being a parent is so challenging. It seems like every day is drama, homework, friends, the bus, a video game. I think I am making more out of my daughters announcement of being a lesbian than i should. I truly know it is fine however she wants to identify herself. I am fine with it because it is her feelings and a part of her. I love all of her. She seems so much more relaxed and smiley since then. On the otherside, I need to come to terms with it. I am surprised by my own confusion and anxiety over it. A lot of emotions and questions have gone through my heart and mind. I am trying to remind myself that it is nothing I did and her being a lesbian really has nothing to do with me. It is her life to live the way she was born. I can only nurture her and give her a safe home and do my best to guide her to make safe choices and friends. I need to keep reminding myself. I can't control her or make her do anything. Which anyone who raised a toddler learns but sometimes forgets. Thank you all for being here and giving me somewhere to express my thoughts.
Re: So hard to word correctly: 13 yr old DD came out and now is seems to want to X-dr I don't think you should make a big deal out of it. The way someone dresses doesn't convey who they are on the inside. Let her be.
Re: So hard to word correctly: 13 yr old DD came out and now is seems to want to X-dr Well I'm 13. I'm a gay girl. I wear traditional "guy" clothing, I have a short "male" haircut, I pass as a guy most of the time. Now that being said I'm not FTM transgender, I just feel more comfortable in presenting as myself. I don't like calling it cross-dressing simply for the fact that I don't want to say that I wear guy's clothing. I know this is a progressive opinion but I wish clothing wasn't gendered. I say that because it would be much easier to explain to someone that I'm a girl because that's how I feel rather than saying I'm not a guy even though I wear "guy" clothing. I started "x-dressing" when I was in first grade. I know this was really hard for my parents to grasp on to at first. I have an older brother and sister, both straight, both I guess "ideal" and "easy" to understand and accept because there's nothing "wrong" with them. I started out being the easy child - I fell asleep easily, took almost no time before sleeping through nights, etc. However I guess the fact that I don't always present as feminine was hard for my parents to accept. I'm so grateful that they are so accepting after all this time. I haven't come out as gay to them yet. I came out to my mom as FTM transgender when I thought I was and she definitely had a hard time grasping it. She wanted to be an amazing parent but at that point she was confused about how I was thinking. I get that, she wasn't inside my head, she couldn't feel what I felt, I had to accept that. However don't think that just because you are uncomfortable with your daughter wearing that clothing and hair that she will pull back from wanting it. I know at least for me if I wasn't allowed to wear what I wear and act how I act that I would be a completely different person. I'd probably be sad all the time, depressed, I'd have to act fake. This feeling that I (and probably your daughter) have is more than simply thinking "oh I want this because it's cool" or something. Your daughter probably saw your reaction to her coming out and felt more comfortable telling you that she wanted to wear clothing from the men's department and cut her hair. I know it takes time but you have to do whatever you can to accept her (with time) rather than stop her from doing what her mind is telling her will make her feel good.
