She told me straight she wants me to leave ASAP as me being there was causing her mixed messages... Sooooo I've left, I grabbed my things.. And headed to my new place.... Damn it's quiet... Really damn quiet. I can hear my heartbeat in fact.
Fill the quiet. Turn on some music that you like. Watch tv. Read a book with music in the background. Fill your mind. Write you feelings. Sometimes just getting it all out of your head and in some kind of order helps settle the mind. Hope it gets better soon.
Hi - So what kind of place have you got? and what arrangements have you agreed with your wife to keep in touch etc?
Enjoy the quiet...indeed, revel in it! Use the time to think and try to avoid distracting yourself too much. I read somewhere that most of the world's problems can be attributed to our inability to sit still quietly with ourselves...
What katwat and great whale said. Both. If the silence is disturbing, do turn on some music you love, and see if you can lose yourself in it for a while. If the music brings you emotion (and when does it not, if you love it), try to just be with that emotion. Let your heart and gut, not your mind, deal with the emotion. Or read a book. Though I have to say that when I've been in the state I think you're in, I never could focus on reading. I was always too caught up in myself, too panicked to focus. If alcohol isn't a problem for you, have a drink. Try to sip it, savor the taste. Feel it. That last is really the whole ball game. Feel. It. When you can be a little calmer, turn off the music. Put down the book. Set aside the drink. And listen to your heart beat. Listen. To. It. Beat. What a miracle is going on in you every second of your life! That is you in there! And breathe. Slowly. Ever try to stop breathing? We can't. Survival is the most primitive need of any living organism. And you will survive, even this. My heart aches at what you're feeling right now. I have been there, and done that, and probably will again. Wishing you the best. /Ed.
I agree 100% with greatwhale's advice. Been alone in my apartment for about 12 days. Couldn't spend enough time here. You are now moving forwards. Good luck
Hang in there. You've made a huge step. It will get easier, as your new life takes shape. Best wishes. (&&&)
My greatest fear now that we're divorcing is facing that new place...Facing that quiet...It's not the where will it be or the expense...No kids...Just the dog and me.
If it's any consolation, I'm currently living with my ex-boyfriend - who is one of my bestfriends. I am very nervous about moving out, as I will miss him. But I need to move on, even if it feels pretty rubbish initially. He is very good to me, and knows about my sexuality, but that is not a decent enough reason to stay. I need to look forward to my future as a woman attracted to women, and not someone who has been pretending to straight. But - I cannot imagine how much more complicated it must be having a family in the mix.
Me too tScott, Minus the dog It will be weird . I haven't been alone at home for more than a couple of hours in probably 20 years On the bright side, I can watch something on TV and actually hear it
While adding some music or such noise will be good for you to fill the void, make sure you have quiet as well because it is in the quiet and the darkness that we find ourselves.
my first place alone after my mom died, i avoided it like the plague. after awhile though i enjoyed the quiet. the ability to fill it with anything i chose was freeing. now i enjoy my own company and consider my empty place my sanctuary. i does get better.
Richie - Are you an introvert or extrovert? As an introverted guy myself, a quiet place all to myself is heaven. If you find it to be an isolating, torturous hell, you may be an extrovert and need more stimulus / contact with people to be happy. That may explain the variation in responses here. If you're introverted, you'll quickly adjust and appreciate the quiet, contemplative atmosphere. If you're extroverted, you may feel antsy if you're home alone. If that's the case, the only advice I can give is to get out and do something ... where there are lots of people around. Introverts get energy from solitude and contemplation. Extroverts get energy from being around other people. How to deal with these kinds of lonely/isolated feelings depends a lot on your disposition. At any rate, the married chapter of your life is coming to a close. It's best to move on, but in a way that is true to your personality and beliefs.
