Small Victories

well, i was with my gender therapist today. and we were figuring out where on the scale i fit and she asked me, if i had a magic wand or won the lotto what would i do, how would i look...

i said, id fix my hair, and my smile. loose the body hair, have nice boobs and hips/bum, and just be a woman. she smiled and said, no cis male would ever say that if they could be anything, they'd be a woman.....:icon_bigg

we also spoke about transitioning at work and the challenges, i said i have 11 years before i can retire, she asked if i can go that living like this? being in the closet and hiding myself. i said i dont think i can....

so now she suggested i try make up, in private if i want, so i can get the feel of it, and some practice.

 

There's a guy who I think likes me and right after I came out he was distant but the past couple of days he's been.....I'm not sure how to phrase it but I'm getting the message that he wants to be with me. It's a victory because after I came out as nonbinary I thought that no one would like me because I'm not a girl but I'm not a boy either. How can someone be certain in their sexuality when I challenge the simple principle of straight and gay?

 

MY DEED POLL DOCUMENTS ARRIVED! When they're witnessed, I will legally be Kal! My plan is to come out to my mum first, have my fiend witness the docs, start the process of coming out at work and then I can formalise my name change with companies etc.

 

I'm wearing panties around the house, when other people are home....under pajama pants, but still.

 

good for you their comfy under pj's. i'am wearing a tank top and skinny jeans with forms, and a black set from la vien rose right now. went to the store with my leather jacket on from eclipse, and knee length booties. no one said a word

 

getting closer to going for it....

 

Oh, they totally are!

I got my FA refund back today. It's enough to pay off my car, which is great! I can get a couple outfits and start saving for my eventual transition with no car payment! I think next semester's might go into my own place. I'm sure I can live off 5 grand for the semester, going mostly to rent, get a better job in summer and either save for the school year and go back to my current gig, or just go back part time in fall and work the real job. Somewhere in there get on hormones and start becoming the young woman biology was supposed to make me...

 

Got asked out on a date which has really helped my mood.

 

I am active duty US military. I didn't know about the new transgender handbook that came out last month. It has a clear layout of how in-service transitions work, complete with who is responsible for what. Someone pointed it out to me today.

 

I got my first 6 pairs of panties last week(it was a set rolled up in a bag at Meijer, Fruit of the Loom) and I like the designs on all 6 of them. I got Bikini style but likely will go with at least briefs next time because of how odd bikini feels right now. Not used to having so little leg coverage on my underwear.

 

Congrats! If you don't mind me asking, how tall are you?

I'm not going to lie, I AM a bit jealous of other trans girls who get to be Amazon like. At 5'7" I won't be mistaken for one ever, but at the same time it's nice, because being within average is excellent for stealth purposes....

I went to Walmart for undies(boxer briefs, still trying not to set off any alarms), and I ALMOST got up the courage to go look around the women's section a bit....not today, but I'm getting there.

 

Amazon alert!

Seriously, I'm jealous. Though I know a lot of trans girls are probably jealous of me and my lack of height....though I suppose I'll be considered a bit tall when I transition? Tall side of average at least. I'll be what, 5'11 in heels?

 

I got "mistaken" for being female twice today. I think it's my new shirt.

 

My first Halloween presenting as male and it went pretty well! I looked great and I feel like I passed super well. My voice even cooperated and didn't give me away. I feel lighter than air. :eusa_danc

 

My one friend said I've always been "dainty." And had somewhat feminine mannerisms and facial expressions. WIN!

 

I have been feeling like everything is falling apart lately. I am on the opposite side of the world from my spouse due to military service and she has been having trouble coping with me being trans.

Today while I was chatting in a trans support irc chat, my wife randomly popped in to ask for help in how to deal and understand what is going on.

It is a desire for understanding that leads to acceptance. This is a VERY positive indicator for my relationship to perhaps survive my transition (which will happen after I get back to the states).

TL;DR: I have hope for the future.

 

WOW, that hugh. fingers crossed that it all goes smoothly.(*hug*)