I've been talking to my "ex" from middle school for a couple of weeks now, just on a friendly basis. We dated in middle school and did not have a serious relationship, which we both acknowledge, and neither of us really count it as a real relationship. However, I'm still nervous that he will be upset or take it as some sort of commentary on him if I tell him that I'm gay, or that it'll hurt his feelings. We used to have a really close friendship, and haven't had a good relationship now for about 5 years, and I don't want to do anything that'll hurt him. Ordinarily stuff like that doesn't just come up in conversation, but he keeps saying stuff that has a bit more of a sexual tone, and while he isn't being pushy, I almost feel like I should tell him in order to put us both out of our misery.
You know, you can tell him if you want to, but it's not necessary. You can just as easily say, "Hey, although flattering that you're saying that, I'm not into it and would prefer if you stopped." If he continues, you can say, "I told you that I'd prefer for you to not talk like this with me. Please respect that." If he continues, then he's not respecting you or your boundary, and it's up to you if you don't mind others disrespecting you or not. It shouldn't get to that point though. If you guys are friends, then I'm sure the least intrusive prompt would work. And again, as far as the coming out goes, you never need to come out to anyone; it's always your choice to honor the person with that info <3
I dont think it is necessary to tell him. If he is saying things that are uncomfortable you can ignore them as if they were never said, hopefully he will get the point that you are not comfortable with it. If he starts to ask you out or something like that, then you can tell him that you are gay.
I feel like him knowing or not knowing is entirely up to you. It's not really necessary for him to know in regards to the sexual tones of the things he says, you can just politely decline and express to him that you are uncomfortable a bit when he talks that way. If he doesn't respect that then he wasn't a good friend to begin with.
Can't say it better than the comment above. Set your boundaries! This is something that you can look into by the way. Don't put your feelings in the background just to protect someone else. Its very unhealthy to do. Its okay for your needs to come first If he takes offense to you being gay and he thinks its because he made you gay then 1) its his problem not your 2) its not your responsibility to educate him. I did have an ex girlfriend rudely ask me if she was the reason why I turned out gay. She was so pompous about it all that I simply say "yeah, you were". She didn't see it coming so she just said "oh. Okay" and walked away. She knew deep down she wasn't the reason, but for some reason she wanted to be the main character of my personal story. Like I change my whole life, decided to risk losing it all, jut because this one person....did something bad enough tot turn me gay? Its crazy that some people think they have that much power. She also wanted me to convince her that she was a good person and she had nothing to worry about... why was that my job all of the sudden? A small rant to say, its going to be okay
