My mother came back around today (after coming out to her; read here) Anyway, she said she didn't understand how I knew I was gay, since I hadn't done anything with a man and such. I told her I can see myself with a man when I'm older, adopting a child, having a family, etc. Well, all in all, she said that if I wanted, she would be willing to take me to a counselor so I could discuss my feelings. I'm not sure if I should follow through, because I personally don't feel the need, but I know it would make my mom happy... any ideas as to what I should do?
Hey, I never thought I'd see a counsellor either, but having had issues in my life (more or less unrelated to sexuality) I got referred to a therapist and it was actually really good. Sometimes it's handy to have someone to talk to who you know you can just say anything to. If they're a good one, once they've assessed you, if they don't think you need them they'll tell you. My advice would be even though you're gay and proud and all well-adjusted and that (lucky you) it's never going to be bad and it might be quite fun and useful. Equally, if you feel fine, it would be pretty pointless! I suppose it ultimately depends on whether you have anything going on in your life that you would like to talk through (not necessarily sexuality and sex), and how keen you are to please your mum. It won't hurt you though as long as it's a gay-friendly counsellor.
During my mom's divorce, she insisted in taking me to a counselor to make sure I wasn't feeling depressed or anything. Although I didn't really need to go for my own reasons, my counselor sit my mom down with me a few times and help us work through a few issues I was having with her at the time. I think that if you go to the right counselor, one who is open minded, and not the type that's going to "turn you straight," then it could really help you and your mom figure things out.
I think it couldn't hurt to go talk to a counselor, IF she doesn't plan to take you to one of those quacks who pretend to do "reparative therapy". Those ones are really dangerous and could be really harmful for you and for your mother. But otherwise, it can't hurt to go and talk to a counselor, and hopefully it will help your mother to understand better and to be more supportive. Take care, Cécile
As long as the counselor isn't trying to change who you are, it could really be beneficial. No one is saying to stop being gay, but therapy can be a chance to reaffirm your feelings. It may even help your mom to accept that you really are gay and it isn't a bad thing. Your therapist might have suggestions on how to be open with your mom and other family members that makes being out around them easier. Good luck! :icon_wink
Counselling is something to be sought after if YOU believe you have problems that need to be worked out. I think your mom is the one who needs to see one. She is obviously projecting her feelings, thoughts and opinions through you and doesn't know how to make sense of the situation. Only way I'd agree to go get counselling in your situation is if she agrees to go with you.
I'm going to second My Dec's comment. I do think seeing a counselor is beneficial if you feel the need. But nothing in your post seems to indicate that you've got much of a need. Maybe there's indications in other posts that it could come in handy, but based solely on what you said above, I'd say the counselor isn't necessary unless you feel you've got some issues you want to work through. Otherwise, just thank your mother for the offer, and let her know you'll take her up on it if you feel you need to at some later time. Lex
If somebody offered me free therapy, I'd take it in a heartbeat We all have issues that we can work on. But as Lex said, if you aren't interested or motivated, then it probably won't benefit you much. It might, however, shut your mom up to have a therapist tell her "Yes, he's gay, it's normal, it can't be changed, so deal with it", which any competent therapist will say. So if you want to help to shortcut your mom's acceptance, seeing a therapist could help that. Only caveat is, make sure that the therapist isn't a Christian counselor or claims to specialize in reparative therapy. Any other counselor who has come out of school in the past 25 years will know that it is unethical and wrong to tell a patient that s/he can change his or her sexual orientation. One other thought for your mom: Next time she says "How can you know you're gay if you've never had sex with a guy", respond with "Did you need to have sex with a guy to know you were straight?" or "How can you know you aren't bisexual if you haven't had sex with a woman?" Perhaps that will make her think
