:help: Well recently I've had a reallly strong urge to come out because I would love the freedom just to say "Hey, that boy is hot" I know that my mum is not homophobic at all and would love me exactly the same (if not more) if she knew I was bi and I really want to tell her but I just can't. However, I don't know my dad's views on gayism as I've never really discussed it and he never really brings it up. This is well annoying me now and I would like your opinion on if I should come out or not? Also, in school I am very popular and I don't really know any homophobic people/people who will throw rabbits at me if they knew I was bi but I still can't come out. I know all my family/friends would be very supportive. Should I come out?? EDIT : Just noticed this was posted in the wrong place, If somebody could move it that'd be just great x
Hi there! I have moved it for you! To the issue at hand! If you feel that you are ready, feel that your friends and mum would be supportive and want to start the coming out process, then by all means give it a try. From what you have mentioned it sounds like that you are ready or at least feel you are getting to that stage. Coming out is hard because you are trying to let go of something very personal and because you have kept inside of you for some time, making that first step can be difficult. Plus, you might have also built up some internal homophobia over time (which is quite normal) which will also have an influence and might make you question as to whether it is such a good idea to come out. But you can overcome that by taking it slow and perhaps by starting with your best friend or with a couple of friends. Coming out to a friend who you trust and know will be supportive first could help you in overcoming a little bit of your fear of starting the coming out process and it could also provide you with some courage in coming out to your mum. Having the feeling of having come out to a couple of friends and knowing that you have support can make it easier on you when you do decide to come out to your mum. But of course, you can also begin the coming out process by coming out to your mum, if you feel that this is the best way for you. Once you come out to your mum, maybe ask her onion on as to whether you should come out to your dad, or if she could help you in that if you feel unsure as to how your dad might react. Now, before you come out, a good way to test your readiness is to ask yourself "Am i ready to come out to my friends?" and "Am I ready to come out to my mom?" Ask yourself these questions out loud and listen to your instincts and try to observe as to how you are feeling when you ask yourself these questions. Also, when you do that, remind yourself, as to why you want to come out and that you feel that your friends and mum will be supportive. When you combine all of it, observe how you feel, and take it from there. If everything feels right and you can tell yourself "yes, I am ready to do this" then I'd say go for it. Maybe start with a friend. Try to talk to that friend at school or outside of school. I hope this helps!
It is better to be Out than not to be... But it takes the right time and circumstances. You are only 14 and you have much more time to do this without any pressure or expectations to do so. I would be very selective and pick my best friend of the same sex that you trust and see how he takes it. The downside is that this is spreading it outside the family first, but its what I would do. There is no hurry...be sure you can accept any rejection that might happen from him. And maybe gossip. Even if you have had sex play with someone, they might not be gay so that isn't a secure guide either. It really is a matter of timing and its better to be safe than sorry. There is still a lot of homophobia out there and not always as nice as it is in EC.
You need a support network first. Do you have friends you can tell anything to without having them betray your trust? If so, tell them. And let them know that you're not ready for anyone else but them to know, when you tell them. Once you have a support network and realize how true your friends are, then you can reach outside that network to tell others.
Don't think that you have to tell everyone too quickly. If you tell a few friends, and ask them not to tell too many people, it could be a good while before the whole year in school find out, by that time people would be slowly getting used to the idea. It'd be nice for you to be able to talk about boys occasionally, as you say, when all your other friends are talking about going out occasionally. It could be a while before you actually meet someone to go on a date with, but it would be good to be able to say honestly, "I'd like to meet a nice boy sometime", or just agree with a girl who thinks Leonardo di Caprio is hot. As to your parents, they're going to find out sometime, so you may as well tell them sooner rather than later. I told myself that fact over and over in my head in the week or two before telling them. Not that I thought it would be a massive deal for them, but it is still definitely an awkward conversation to have to start. If anything, they'll probably just be a little worried about you, about the possibility of bullying in school. I think it a good idea to tell a few friends first, so that when you tell your parents, you can tell them that it's ok, you're friends are fine with it.
