Hello I am a man in a long term relationship. Recently, at the age of 50, having been married, kids, widowed etc decided to be openly bisexual. I have not come out as such, but more accepted to myself, and if I am asked feel comfortable to factually say so. In my younger years I explored my sexuality a little, but under the umbrella of shame and guilt and all the other cr@p of that era. I got married knowing I was bisexual, my wife knew and accepted, I was faithful. Unfortunately she died from cancer. I am trying to establish the kind of life I want. I met a new partner (female) and have been dating for about 18 months. Through various twists and turns I have told her my sexuality, but I have decided to be very open and say I want to have an open relationship. Whilst I am emotionally and physically attracted to women, I need and want some physical relationships with men also. In short I now want to live an active bisexual life, and have the sexual experiences I have denied myself fo so long. She is saying that it is ok, as long as I can keep her physically safe. Safe sex is important to me, but as far as I can tell there is always a risk of getting something. Putting myself at risk is my business, but I am deeply uncomfortable about putting my GF at risk because of my actions. Is it even possible? To be in an open relationship and keep your partner totally safe? My GF is not keen on using condoms in our relationship. I would use condoms and Prep in same sex situations. If I’m totally honest I don’t like the idea of giving a blow job with a condom. anyone else in a similar situation and how do you manage it? thanks in advance
In all sexual relationships we can only go for risk minimisation, rather than risk elimination and we need to be honest about that. Even in totally monogamous relationships, people make mistakes which can result in us contracting an STI. Of course, we significantly reduce our chances of contracting an STI if we are in a committed relationship with one sexual partner and continue to practice safe sex, but there are no dead certs and it is a fact that we increase the risks by having sex with many different partners. The short and simple answer is no, so my best advice would be to use PrEP and condoms if you go down this route, but with the full understanding that it's not fool proof and you can't guarantee total safety. It significantly reduces risk, but not 100% - it's just not possible to say that. In truth, you are already taking something of a risk though if you don't use condoms with your girlfriend. I don't mean this in judgement, but just to emphasise that people do make mistakes. Although oral is relatively low risk, it's not completely without risk, so do weigh the risks against the rewards.
