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sexual acts for me just another way to show friendship or am i bi?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by secrets, Mar 12, 2014.

  1. secrets

    Regular Member

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    I’m female, 19, and up until very recently, I’ve always identified as straight. Since i was little though, whenever i’ve had a same sex best friend that i was really, really close to (which wasn’t often), i’d want to do sexual things with her, but not actually be in a relationship. I never thought much about it at the time, because it seemed like such a small and natural thing, and also, I was “little” then, and I figured I didn’t really know what I was doing.

    Now though, with my current best friend, I still want to do those things (mostly hand-holding and kissing, but I wouldn’t mind going all the way). The thing is, I don’t necessarily want to be in a real relationship with her. Like, I’d be totally cool if she got a boyfriend while we were sexually active together, and if we did start doing those things, I wouldn’t want our actual friendship to change.

    We are super close and are planning to move in together, and the thing is, I feel like if I had my way, I’d want us to always live together (we’ve talked about it, and it seems she wants that too). We even talked about how we’d want our future husbands to move in with us so it’d be all four of us in a house, and so I really don’t know what’s up with me and my feelings for her. I can’t figure out if they’re platonic or not. I see her as not just my best friend, but a life partner, except that I don’t want to be in a real relationship (but I still want to hold hands etc.)

    I’ve come out to another friend about all this (I’ll just call her Ri), and she’s been very accepting, but I’ve realized that when I talk about my best friend to Ri, I enjoy talking more about the friendship aspect of our relationship rather than how much I’m crushing on her (which is weird because when I have a crush on a guy, I can’t stop blabbing about how much I like him and how big of a crush i have on him etc etc.)

    At first I thought I could be bisexual, but I’m starting to wonder if maybe for some people, doing sexual things with someone they’re really close to might just be another component of how they show their friendship? (I know some girls like to make out with their friends for fun, but I’ve never thought of myself as one of them.)

    Could it be that for me, kissing and making out with an unusually close best friend is just be another way of showing my affection, much like hugging or cheek kissing? If anyone could shed some light on this, that’d be really great!
     
  2. Chiroptera

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    For me, i think these people are actually bisexual/gay, but they just don't label themselves this way.

    Judging by what you said (and this is only my opinion), i think you may be at least bisexual. You do feel attracted sexually to your friend, right? Do you feel attracted to guys too?

    For me, relationships are exactly this: Friendship with everything going a bit more personal, specially with physical contact. Peraphs what you want is an open relationship with her?

    Again, this is only my opinion, im new to "this world" too, haha. So you may want to wait for another reply.

    Good luck! :slight_smile:
     
  3. sexwax

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    You have to realize MOST people who do sexual things with the same sex have just not come to terms with their sexuality so they say " it's just showing affection" etc because their in denial about liking the same sex you seem bisexual to me the way I see it it's not about sexuality it's about feelings what feels right and living in the moment if you feel attracted towards a female go with it and vise versa life is not set in stone and neither are labels go with what feels natural my thing is I dated around and hooked up with many people and I identify more with women though I can sleep with men and not be freaked out but my feelings and what feels natural are geared more toward women but I'm not going to say its entirely impossible to fall for a guy which is why I say both sexes in actuality i meet lots of people in life some do it for me others don't but regardless of gender I go with what I'm attracted too and leave the labels and reasons why at the door TIME sorts things out
     
  4. Clairity95

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    Your sexuality:
    You can be sexually straight and romantically bi.

    Basically any given human being can be ANY given combination of ANY one thing in each of the following categories:
    1.) You can be romantic or aromantic
    2.) Sexual or asexual.
    3.) Hetero-romantic, homo-romantic, pan-romantic, aromantic etc.
    4.) Heterosexual, homosexual, pansexual, asexual.

    I myself am romantic, sexual, pan-romantic, and pansexual.
    My roomie/non-sexual-life-partner is aromantic, asexual, aromantic, asexual.

    Any combination is perfectly acceptable and it CAN change over time. I'm pansexual but I find that if I'm lusting after a guy I feel more straight and if it's a girl I feel more lesbian.

    Your friendship:
    There is no definition of what any friendship/relationship has to be. Two romantic asexuals will often get married. People have polyamorous and open relationships. People have serious and non-serious relationships. Humans are NOT naturally 100% monogamous creatures although society has led us to believe we're supposed to be.

    ---------- Post added 12th Mar 2014 at 08:11 PM ----------

    To clarify: I do not claim to know or understand all forms of sexuality and I may have some things slightly wrong but I have done a lot of research and introspection regarding the topic and I feel like I have a decent understanding.
     
  5. newfish

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    Also sort of in-betweens like demisexual and Gray-A. Not all of it, in fact most of it, is on more of a spectrum than a few set points.
     
  6. Clairity95

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    This is true but it's complicated. If you're referring at all to anything I said I was trying to simplify things and definitely left a lot of terms out mostly because I'm not familiar with them all