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Serioiusly WTF?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Firepit5, Dec 22, 2016.

  1. Firepit5

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    What you you when someone that you already like comes out with something against lesbians or homosexuals?
     
  2. iiimee

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    Stop liking them. If someone impedes on other's rights, they're an ignorant and hateful person who is not ready for a relationship.
     
  3. ForNarnia

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    There you go. Don't compromise for the sake of someone who doesn't think you deserve rights.
     
  4. Creativemind

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    Don't be with them then?
     
  5. Firepit5

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    Wow, those are exceptionally precise and close-minded at the same time. I respect your opinions and at the same time I think an opportunity may be lost.
     
  6. SHACH

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    Well if you think thats close minded.... Attempt to educate them and if they resist enough to cause problems then yeah just cut down on how much you see them because it's only gonna be awkward if your views clash like that.
     
  7. Gunsmoke

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    It isn't close-minded, it's common sense. If you waste your time on somebody who doesn't even think we deserve basic human rights, you're only going to get hurt.

    If you really think they're worth it, then try to educate them. But they're probably not.

    ---------- Post added 27th Dec 2016 at 05:12 AM ----------

    Oh, I just now saw that you're straight, I'm sorry!

    The thing is that if you want to be calling yourself a "good ally", you have to stay true to it. You can't pick and choose when to support the LGBTQ+ community. Maybe I was a bit quick to say that the person wasn't worth it, but opinions like that are going to take a lot of work to alter (and homophobes are rarely interested in being any less close-minded).

    I don't know. I'm white but if a friend of mine said something racist, it would make me uncomfortable and I'd call them out on it. I think it's my job to do that.

    In the end, I guess it depends on how important the LGBTQ+ community is to you.
     
  8. Dachs

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    If someone I expected to be an ally (e.g. a girl raised by lesbian moms) says something homophobic (or transphobic, or biphobic in the case of that girl, or any other kind of phobic), yeah, my reaction is "seriously WTF?" I get blindsided by it. This means I don't necessarily react quickly enough to challenge it, although I would like to do so. If I can challenge something, I try and say, "That sounds kind of X-phobic, do you really mean that?" or "That's pretty X-phobic, can you explain?" This is the best thing to say if you can have a deeper conversation on the subject: it confronts the statement directly and it forces the person to justify themself (you can then discuss that further) or rescind their statement. Other options:

    "Hm, I don't agree. In my experience, X people aren't usually Y."
    "Are you sure? I think X just means X. It doesn't imply Y."
    "That's not really what being X is, according to most people who are X."
    "Well, if you won't date X group then all the more for me, because X group aren't bad at all."

    If someone I didn't expect to be an ally says something phobic, I'm much less likely to challenge the statement. I'll usually say, "Well, that's one opinion," or, "I don't agree, but we don't need to argue about it," or, "I guess X is true in a few cases, but in my experience Y is true instead." I prefer to build relationships and show people that they are wrong over time instead of confronting them and risking shutting them off or reinforcing negative beliefs. (I hold would-be allies to a higher standard and I expect them to be more open to discussion.)

    I do have various friends and acquaintances (and relatives) whom I don't expect to be allies, and I know that is a choice I make and I must deal with the consequences as they arise. I still get value from those relationships, and I hope they do too.
     
  9. Chiroptera

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    It depends. As others have said, if the person is open enough to talk about this, i'll be patient and try to educate them (slowly, and not aggressively). If they don't want to talk about it, but they respect me, then in most cases i can live with it. Maybe in time they will see who i am and change their mind?

    However, if the person is being aggressive or/and violent, i'll distance myself, avoiding a fight.

    Everyone is free to do whatever they want, and i think no one needs to feel the obligation of tolerating close minded people around. However, i think it is important to have patience with those who aren't necessarily enemies. Most people can be educated, even if it isn't a fast process.
     
  10. meistro

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    I don't think it's always a matter of close mindedness, some people just have their own views on lgbt people that might never change, whether it's from a religious stand point or they just down right don't think it's right. We want people to understand and respect us for what we are and I think we should understand and respect the way people believe and feel about us. But it's a different matter when it comes to people who are just hateful and ignorant then people should just distance themselves from those kind of people. If they're hateful and ignorant about lgbt people then they're probably pretty hateful and ignorant in other aspects
     
  11. CROSSY ROAD

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    Ignore them XD
    Also you're from nevada, too! Yay!
     
  12. mquir4

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    Honestly - try to talk to them about why you feel their opinion is wrong.

    In the end you might have to accept that they won't change and write them off, but if you don't try to talk it out you will always wonder what would have been the outcome.

    I was pretty sure my boss (who I work very very closely with) would take me being gay badly from some offhand comments he had made (and had even considered leaving my work instead of coming out to him), but when I told him he was unbelievably supportive.

    Sometimes people make comments without thinking and without considering who and how those comments resonate. Not saying it is ok to say hurtful things and use the excuse 'I didn't know' but it can be that they have legitimately never taken the time to really think about it, and they may change, or surprise you.
     
  13. MaoKingofcats

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    Yes this.
     
  14. AnAtypicalGuy

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    I would argue against their views in the hopes of changing their mind. I usually prefer to fix friendships, rather than break them. But if the person refused to do something about their homophobia, then that would just piss me off. I'd leave them, since people like them aren't worth my time.
     
  15. Cinis

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    This would be my advice if you were an LGBT person...because that would just result in being insulted and"educated" and the friendship is going to break in the end.

    But considering you're not...I don't really see a problem. People can be assholes concerning one point but great people otherwise. I know several people whom I disagree with on very fundamental topics but have fun talking to as people.
    I'd say it's generally just a matter of your minset.

    What I do find slightly problematic is that your reason for coming here was your child being LGBT, in which case I'd advice you to keep your child apart from your friend because their words could deeply hurt it or make it think that you have a similar mindset which could really harm your relationship.

    Other than that I think that if you like that person you shouldn't feel compelled to break a friendship.
     
  16. Michael

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    I ask this person why he or she thinks that way, listen to the answers, and do the best I can with the materials.

    If I sense dogma and/or irrationality (and if I don't have to endure them), I erase their numbers and never speak to them again. Nothing good comes from irrational people.
     
  17. Firepit5

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    I love this.

    ---------- Post added 29th Dec 2016 at 12:49 AM ----------

    If you chose to speak to me, I am an enigma.*A Christian dyed through and through by Depression parents that were married for 70 years. I am also a political conservative. Add to that that out of 7 brothers and sisters, one of my brothers was gay and my conservative parents accepted him back in the 70's. Luckily my daughter that I love more than life, confided in me that she was gay 2 years ago when she was barely 11. I would do anything for my babies.
     
  18. Assassin'sKat

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    I've had friends be anti-gay before, before I realized I was gay. I got pretty defensive...now that I know that I'm gay, I imagine I would be a little hurt if someone I was friends with told me they didn't like gays. Maybe I would avoid them until I felt okay enough to talk to them about it. Now if someone I liked(as in crushing on) were to say it, I'd move on. Most girls don't like me back anyway. I'm used to just moving on. Maybe I'd try to tell them they are wrong but I wouldn't count on them changing their mind.
     
  19. Firepit5

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    This is such a fantastic response.
     
  20. AgenderMoose

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    I side with trying to talk to them about it, to figure out what's up. Try and understand their perspective and try to reason with them about it. Unless they're hostile. If they become hostile about it, run. Run far away.

    I have friends who are...not particularly the most keen on LGBT+. They acknowledge that I am who I am. They won't necessarily acknowledge my gender, but that's another story. The point is, even though they aren't necessarily 100% accepting of it, they don't get hostile about it. I've had my fair share of arguments with them, don't get me wrong, but they haven't gone out of their way to attack.

    I honestly think that if they're not being hostile about it and are willing to talk, then talk to them. If they put it down civilly, like "I understand your perspective, but I simply can't agree", try to understand why, and that should be alright. But, like I said, if they ever become hostile, run. Unnecessary hostility is a huge red flag.