I've been coming out very slowly over the past 3 years. Finding a life partner has been a primary motivator to coming out, though finding a suitable companion has been difficult. I met a guy online about two months ago. I was initially excited because he seemed to (and still seems to) share the same values as I do with respect to family, drinking, drugs, sex, religion, politics, etc. He seems to enjoy similar activities and hobbies as I do. He seems to actually like me for me. He never makes me feel awkward or judged. The thing is, as time has gone on, I've found myself feeling less excited about him, and less attracted to him. Suddenly I am valuing my alone time more. It's nice being around him, but I'm never dying to see him. I'm feeling a little nuts over all this. Most (or all) of the guys I have ever been crazy about have been straight and unavailable. Or gay but emotionally unavailable, or guys who I liked for who I thought they could be or I wanted them to be. How magic is all of this supposed to feel? He seems like someone who long-term could be a very compatible and caring partner, but I always imagined that finding love would be more than this. He's a priority, but he does not feel like my top priority. It's probably worth noting that I'm coming off an extremely busy season with my job and life is still getting back to normal. Definitely a strange time of year to meet someone.
Do you guys have strong sexual chemistry? Is he perhaps too similar to you? I think that some differences (not in values but in personality types such as extrovert vs. introvert ) can be necessary to keep a spark alive. And of course there's no substitute for the guy feeling of lust to keep you interested in someone.
I'm wondering if this is more about your work schedule than him. It sounds like between work and him, you have a pretty busy schedule. Perhaps making more time for yourself (alone time) might be just the thing to help with the balance and reignite the spark with him.
JNR, I'm sure you've heard about the "honeymoom period" in a relationship (which can last between 6 months to a couple years, depending on what source you quote) in which the "infatuation" is strong and the other person in the relationship can do little to no wrong (at least in our heads). This period is a pretty awesome time, and the warm, emotional feelings are intoxicating. However, the emotional high will begin to fade and what you are left with is how truly compatible the two of you are together. Similar goals, similar interests, etc. etc. will kick in, and it's then when you can better evaluate how the two of you really interact. Above all that, how "willing" is the one person to do/see things the "other person" enjoys, how truly "giving" is the other person, and how far will they go to "put the other persons happiness" first. It's a huge "give and take" kind of thing, and some people don't do this well (we live in a "me/me" society, and I believe it's getting worse...). This is when some people learn/discover that doing something for the "other person" just to make them happy, can sometimes bring the giving person a whole new level of "personal enjoyment" due to seeing their mate happy. Anyway, just remember that sometimes being a "hopeless romantic" is a tough road to travel down (I struggle with this myself). Movies and TV stories create a huge build up and create exceptions that are pretty hard to live up to. We are all guilty of perhaps expecting "too much" from our love interests. Just keep an open mind, take things slow, and see how they evolve. Remember, we are all responsible for our own happiness, so try not to place that burden on another person. I'm not say either way he is or is not the one for you, I'm just saying take it slow and give the relationship a chance to mature and re-evaluate. A few links that you might find interesting.... Stage 1: Infatuation | 7 Stages of a Healthy Relationship After Infatuation: When Relationships Get Real https://www.psychologytoday.com/blo...01207/the-deceptive-power-loves-first-moments The signs your relationship will last - NZ Herald
jnr I suggest being honest & vulnerable w him … telling him what's going on w u … & seeing where this goes. Vulnerability can break fixed dynamics in a relationship. How about this one: in a relationship, often one person is emotionally stronger, more outgoing, the leader … the top, or the bttm, w associated dynamics. Where does your real fall on this spectrum? Another thing to consider is whether your "feeling less excited" is about him, or something else. U mentioned your job. Other things could be having goals, your own self esteem & confidence n yourself, your sense of worth.
I *think* I am bi, and I can tell you for sure this has happened in plenty of my relationships with the opposite sex. I have also met plenty of people of the same sex that I had zero interest in, or attraction to. Whether this is something you can fix, or a sign your relationship is ending, is not something I can really say for you. But whatever it is, it is normal to have various levels of attraction to any given individual, even if they truly are your preferred sex. And while I can't say for sure (since I'm here with my questioning too) that I've felt THE MOST MAGICAL it's possible to feel in a relationship, I do think I've felt *pretty* magical, and it still isn't some kind of fairytale. What you've written here sounds like something *tons* of people go through in their love lives, questioning or not.
