Since years i'm sure i'm a transwoman, but under the circumstances i live i'm not abel to come out publicly. Sometimes i ask myself if i am even trans or am i just lying to myself. Even if i couldn't think of a reason why i should lie to myself. Maybe its because i have no way to express myself, let it be in public or at home. Does someone know how (or if) i can be sure?
Honestly, I have no idea - I'm struggling with the same very questions for four years now, running around in circles and getting back to where I began. For all I know, this sort of doubts seems to be a common occurence among trans and genderqueer folks. Finding, exploring and accepting your identity can be a heroic feat by itself, especially when you have to fight against internalised stereotypes and maybe phobias, when the world sees as you as someone different whom who you are, when you're very own body doesn't fit yourself... Now throw in all the resentment many people hold towards trans people and LGBTQ in general, the very real possibility of facing discrimination and violence just for being who you are or even for daring LGBTQ people, medicalisation of our identities and gatekeeping of gender-affirming care, and the very existence of so-called "conversion therapy"... We're all pretty much stuck between a rock and a hard place, for no fault of our own. No one chooses to be trans, homosexual, or queer, just as so one chooses their race, parents, body, eye color, height or whatnot. All I can say, the best you can do is to accept and love yourself as you are. If you know that you're a woman - you are one, that's perfectly normal and valid. Even if that would change - such a change wouldn't make you or your identity any less real of valid. Sorry for the rant. Maybe someone more experienced and knowledgable will be able to help you more with finding an answer to your questions.
Thanks for your answer, its at least good to see i'm not the only one who feels that way. Some things i always saw as confirmation that i am trans are when somebody says i behave girlish (which i do) as an joke/insult or when somebody hurts me mentally/phsyically and i start crying (yes, this happens). I am also more hurt if someone insults transpeople than any other group. These aren't nice examples and i don't know if my reaction is knfluenced by my subconsciousness but at least it's something?
Those may or may not be confirmations of you being a trans individual, that merely means that you don’t fit someone’s idea of masculinity. I see no problem with a man being emotional, of behaving in a feminine ways (albeit what even is considered feminine behaviour can vary wildly from place to place and person to person… I mean, in some Asian cultures it’s common for men to hold hands and hug their male friends, also calling them diminutive names. In my country such behaviour between two men is deemed unacceptable and is associated with women). It’s perfectly fine to be a feminine man, or a masculine woman, or generally behave and present in a way that comes naturally to you, at least as long as doesn’t harm anyone. You don’t have to be trans to have traits generally associated with another biological sex than one you’ve been assigned at birth. Now, that you’re hurt when trans people in general are insulted might stem from that you consider yourself a trans person. It’s just natural to feel hurt when the group you associate yourself with is being disparaged in any way. But there is only one person who can confirm or deny whether they are trans or not - it’s the prime expert on yourself, namely - you. I have no doubts that you are and I believe a therapist would also say the same… But the only thing that really matters is what you think about it.
