Hi, everyone. This is my first thread, and I figured I would jump right into why I decided to join empty closets. I have identified as a heterosexual man for as long as I can remember. About 7-8 years ago, I began to develop an infatuation with transgender porn. I think it started as curiosity, then to taboo, and eventually developed into complete arousal for me. For the past year, I have noticed that I have begun to gravitate more towards transgender porn, than to heterosexual porn. Within the last two months, I believe I have come to the the realization that this has become part of my sexuality. As of today, I would not be opposed to the idea or actuality of dating a transgender woman. To further explain, I don’t have as much reluctance to the idea, as much as weariness for my family’s thought on it. I myself, do not agree with my sister’s and father’s opinion on transgender people. My sister believes in transgender rights, but she also believes transgenderism is “a mental illness and should be treated as such.” My cousin recently came out as transgender a couple months ago, with my sister being accepting. My father on the other hand, was more reluctant. I was having a conversation with him about my cousin and the used the slur, “tr####”, which I was not comfortable with and told him it was a slur. In closing, I have spoken with my long time therapist about this, and she proposed the idea of keeping this to myself for a while. She has done a lot of work within/with the LGBTQ+ community, and I appreciate her input. I have told her about my attraction to transgender women, as well as my two best friends of 10+ years. All three of them have been very accepting, and believe I should do what is best for me and my life. I look forward to hearing from the community about possible relatable experiences, or just some valid input would be most welcomed. Thank you for having me in the community, everyone, and I’m happy to be here.
Trans women are women. If you say you’ve identified as straight but have noticed you like trans women that still makes you straight.
I agree with Lemony. A woman is a woman even if she was assigned male at birth and a man who is attracted to a woman is straight. (full disclosure: I am a woman who was assigned male at birth and I have had a lot of people, both men and women who only saw me as a fetish object and not as a person to be in a relationship with or treat decently) These two things are incompatible. If a person has bigoted beliefs and makes bigoted statements they are a bigot even if they say that they are not a bigot. I agree with your therapist at least in so far as keeping this from your close minded family members. As far as exploring your attraction you could try dating a few AMAB women but before you do you need to really think about what it is that you want out of such things. Real life is not a porn video, the people you see in porn are actors and what you see them doing is what some writer and director has told them to do. Basing what you want to do or what you like on what you see in porn is a lot like basing your life goals on fantasy fiction or movies.
I agree with you. I personally think sexuality can only be defined yourself, and not by society or someone else. I’m just currently processing it as it’s something new for me, in regards to my sexuality.
Thank you for your response, QuietPeace. I was hoping to hear the input from a transgender woman about her experiences and thoughts on the matter. I’ve been around long enough to know porn is not real life, whatsoever. I was just stating that that’s where my attraction to transgender women began because up until 10 years ago, I didn’t even know of the concept of transgenderism. Let alone, even meeting or speaking with someone who is transgender. The reason for my post is, as I said, I believe that my attraction has extended past porn, and has become part of my sexuality because it’s something I would be open to in regards to having a relationship with someone who is transgender. I have heard and read stories about transgender women being fetishized by heterosexual men. Only speaking for myself, that is not something I would look to act on. I’m a practical person when it comes to romantic relationships and sex. My only concern that I have, is not how my family would feel with me being with someone who is transgender, but how that would make my partner feel since there is reluctance, and as you said, bigotry when it comes to the subject. My plan right now is to continue to explore this, and speak with some more transgender women for some feedback on their experiences with dating heterosexual men. The last thing I want to do is to use someone as an object of sex or taboo, just because it feeds my satiation.
Hi. Thanks to everybody who contributed so thoughtfully to this conversation. Robbie, I can answer only according to what my heart and my life tell me. I mean not to disagree with anyone but simply to express my viewpoint. I call myself queer because, for me, that is the category that explodes all other categories. My inner desires don't conform to the narratives we tell about gender and sexuality. My desires/fantasies contain a lot of kinks. Porn isn't my thing in particular, but it is central to what many people would call their sexuality. Whether or not it is problematic in a person's life is up for each person to decide . . . and perhaps to revisit time and again. This doesn't speak to how a person ought to act in the world. Treating all other beings with the dignity they deserve is an absolute must. (Of course, the line between dignity and indignity is hotly contested in every single social issue.) I believe that, if you conduct yourself with integrity, and with proper regard for every potential partner, then pursuing your fantasies might be just the right thing. Or, it might not. Only you can discern. With time, you need to decide how your sexual behavior squares with the person you aim to be and the world you aim to build. For now, accept yourself and your desires. They aren't, in and of themselves, problematic. When it comes to your deciding on your sexual actions, consider their consequences and implications.
You probably know this at some level but I did want to make sure that a few things were clear. First a quote to demonstrate something And the same thing can be said about any group. If you do ever get involved with an AMAB woman the wisest course of action is to ask her how she sees herself and how she wants you to treat her because each of us has our own pasts and things that we want. I especially want to point this out because your answer to me seems to imply that you think that I am transgender. I am not. I do not use that label. I am simply a woman. When I relate to people who have to know my birth assignment (doctors or the few people I have been intimate with) I tell them I am a woman who was assigned male at birth. If pressed for a label the one that I use is transsexual woman and not transgender. This is a personal thing, many who transition see the label transsexual as a slur (my exhusband who is a trans guy did) but for me it better describes my experience as my gender has never changed while my sex has. Others want to use one or all of the labels transgender, trans or trans*. I do not want you to think that I am upset with you, I am just trying to help you see that each of us is an individual and that we should be asked about how we want to be labeled, talked to and treated.
I value your feedback and appreciate your response. I apologize if I offended you by using the transgender label. I made the assumption that that was generally acceptable across the community. I do believe a transgender woman is a woman, and should not be in a separate category than biological women. I simply used the term to create an understanding with my experience and thought process. I will be sure to approach the subject of labels delicately in the future if it ever comes up again, as I now know that the label of transgender, is not a general term. I practice the precepts and principles of Za Zen, and identify as a Taoist, so participating in generalizations of any kind, is not something I do in my life today. I understand every person is different, and when it comes to the matter of relationships, each person has a unique wavelength that they operate by.
