Hey guys, I am really worried I am transexual but I wish I could just stay as a man (I was born male) I've been worried about being a transexual since April last year (so I am only one year away from being diagnosed with gender identity disorder :icon_sad: ) I just wish there was another route. I'm really scared to tell anybody I know that I might be transgender. When I think about being a transexual I get pain in my chest (i.e. it feels tight) and I worry about being a transexual most of the time. Sometimes I go an hour or two without worrying then I feel really happy then I remember about the trans worries and I start worrying again. My local LGBT society done a drag day yesterday and I dressed up as a girl, when I was dressed as a girl I didn't feel particularly gender euphoric or anything. Although I think that it will be easier to flirt with boys dressed as a girl (but I've not tried this) I'm quite a shy person and at the end of the day one of the people giving the drag workshop said that they had seen shy people like me before and I should do what makes me happy (e.g. wearing dresses) but I don't know if I want to dress as a female or not. After the drag workshop we all went to a bar where a drag act was performed and we were gonna dress in drag again but in the end we didn't. When we first got there I didn't want to dress in drag, then I wanted to then I decided I didn't again lol BUT I don't know if going in drags makes me a transexual anyway but it could be an indicator I don't want to be a transexual but I am worried that I am one and it seems like I wait forever to be seen by services that can help. Worrying I am a trans makes me really scared and unhappy and I am worried that I will lose my sex drive and I am worried that my penis will stop working cos of the thoughts. But yesterday I went clubbing and I hooked up with someone in the club (not sex, we just snogged) and I got an erection so it shows my penis is still working which is good. I want to keep my dick but I'm worried I'm in denial Can anyone else help? Can any transexuals relate to what I am saying or does this not sound like I'm trans? Uhhh, this is so tough. I was starting to worry about this situation less because I was going to get CBT to treat my OCD (my main OCD worry is about being trans but I am worried that maybe it's not OCD and I am trans, especially since they decided not to give me CBT, I think maybe it was there way of telling me that it sounds more like I am trans) They said that they didn't specialise in obsessive thoughts, more rituals (but mine is more obsessive thoughts) and they said it would be harder to treat Can anybody help mee? :bang::bang::bang::bang: :icon_sad::icon_sad::icon_sad:
Hmmm...I'm not MtF, but i can try to see if i can help... Transsexuals usually have a condition known as Gender Identity Disorder (also called gender disphoria). Do note that i am not suggesting this is a disease, but it is a trait that is used by Psychologists to identify individuals that are unhappy with their birth gender. Of then, those with GID have a sense they are "a soul trapped in a wrong body", and would often only feel normal once they dress themselves as the opposite sex. From what i've read on your post, you don't seem to be comfortable dressing in females clothes at all. Do you feel "right" after dressing up in female clothes? Or as you've said, maybe you like dressing up as a female so you can better socialise with boys? I think it's too early to panic right now, I think what you need to do is try experimenting a bit more with different modes of gender expression, and see a psychologist if you need to. Hope this helps
Hi again! Sorry to hear this is still bothering you. Here's hoping my experience can still help. I'll go ahead and tackle the hard question first. It's not fun talking about it but my penis works just fine. I can get aroused and everything. It takes a long time for me to make it if I'm using it like normal and even then I have to be fantasizing is all. If I don't want to take forever... I don't want to get too graphic but it involves using a bullet vibrator. What you might have heard about, is what hormones do to it. If you're on HRT, a lot of people say it gets very small. Now I'd be thrilled but for you it'd be a nightmare. But that's not going to happen to you just at random. The word Transgender is a really big umbrella and I'm learning more about it every day myself. It includes people that just enjoy cross dressing, or people that fantasize about being members of the opposite sex during sex, or people that are just curious. It doesn't always mean you want to be a woman all the time. I do though. The best way I can describe it is feeling like I have to fight with myself all the time and put on a show for everyone. It's exhausting, and is getting in the way of my life. I'm always building up walls and keeping people away because I have a secret I've kept my whole life. Basically I want everything you're terrified of I think sometimes if there's something we're afraid to think about, it becomes more taboo to us and even more of a turn on. This is probably something your therapist would be better at helping with than me. But with me, if I have kind of a kinky thought that's bugging me, I just let it run its course. Usually that's enough and I can get back to what works.
I didn't suddenly feel right when I was dressed as a female yesterday, it felt weird at first and then it just felt kinda neutral, I didn't suddenly feel like I was my true self. Also, when I was at the gym in the sauna today, I had a towel wrapped round me and my dick was poking the cloth and I didn't like the way it looked so I moved it so it didn't stick out cos I thought it would relieve the feeling but it just gave me a load more discomfort so I'm not sure what to make of that situation. I am waiting to see a counsellor but they are currently deciding if they can offer me any treatment. Before they told me to stick to CBT but the CBT lady said I wasn't severe enough for her to treat and then after she said that it sent me in a downward spiral. Thank you for your reply, it really does mean a lot to me (*hug*)
