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Saying Hi... New, going through some stuff...

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by scaredstraight2, Jul 18, 2017.

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  1. scaredstraight2

    scaredstraight2
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    I cant tell you how much I have appreciated our conversation. Hopefully we will speak again and I am expecting updates! As Im sure you are as well :slight_smile:

    Wouldnt it be great if they did it first? Haha time will tell...but how long do we wait?
     
    #21 scaredstraight2, Jul 18, 2017
  2. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    I have also enjoyed our discussion.
    I wouldn't hold your breath for updates on my situation! :slight_smile:
    But, I will look forward to reading your updates.
     
    #22 LostInDaydreams, Jul 18, 2017
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2017
  3. silverhalo

    silverhalo
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    I don't want to intrude on your conversation but just a little something for you to contemplate.

    What if your partners are both also sitting there having this thought hoping you will make the move first.
     
    #23 silverhalo, Jul 18, 2017
  4. scaredstraight2

    scaredstraight2
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    Still breathing. :wink: share when and if your comfortable. (As if you need me to tell you that haha)
     
    #24 scaredstraight2, Jul 18, 2017
  5. scaredstraight2

    scaredstraight2
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    Well thats damn scary to think about haha!
     
    #25 scaredstraight2, Jul 18, 2017
  6. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    Intrude as much as you like! :slight_smile:

    It's a good point. For us, my partner has always been the one raise any relationship issues first. When we've had temporary or near splits, it's been him that's initiated them.

    We're moving house very soon, which my partner is really looking forward to. I might be wrong, but I think he's thinking that things will change when we're in a new place. We'll see what happens, I guess.
     
    #26 LostInDaydreams, Jul 18, 2017
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  7. scaredstraight2

    scaredstraight2
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    During our splits, I have been the one to initiate them. Subconcious screaming at me maybe?

    As Halo said, if she is waiting for me to make the first move, it would not be out of the norm for me...
     
    #27 scaredstraight2, Jul 18, 2017
  8. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    No pressure then!

    For me, I've always (and not necessarily consciously) prioritized the existence of our relationship, over the quality of the relationship.
     
    #28 LostInDaydreams, Jul 18, 2017
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  9. scaredstraight2

    scaredstraight2
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    Weve been through court.. I smashed her in her lies in front of the judge.. I just feel if it happens again it will explode to a whole new level. Where she may try to take the kids, or bully me again, or have my old friends who slept with her while we were split bully and berate me... Its absolutely terrifying
     
    #29 scaredstraight2, Jul 18, 2017
  10. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    I'm sorry. That must have been a horrible experience.

    Perhaps @silverhalo has a good point then, if you act first then she has less time to prepare, or do you think she'd behave differently if it was her initiating it?

    If you don't mind me asking, how did you get back together after all this?
     
    #30 LostInDaydreams, Jul 18, 2017
  11. scaredstraight2

    scaredstraight2
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    Well I had moved away to a different town. Was seeing my kids regularly and entered a new relationship. We got back together because we agreed it was worth one more shot for the kids. We were split almost two years. I did it for the kids, and they are why I'm still struggling here.

    If she found someone else, or initiated the break up yes it would be totally different because we would both be ok with it.

    Whereas if I initiate and she has no back up plan.. I.E. a significant other, all hell breaks loose.

    Being single terrifies her more than anything else, me leaving again would scare her into the rage that I've experienced too many times before. She's the revenge type..
     
    #31 scaredstraight2, Jul 18, 2017
  12. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    Would opening up the relationship or taking a break from the the relationship be an option? It might allow her (or both of you) to explore other relationships, but you could still live together.

    Did she see anybody else during the time you were separated?
     
    #32 LostInDaydreams, Jul 18, 2017
  13. silverhalo

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    Hey Lostindaydreams makes a fair point.

    I also have a question. How old are your kids?
     
    #33 silverhalo, Jul 18, 2017
  14. scaredstraight2

    scaredstraight2
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    Hey guys. A separation would not be an option. Kids are 4 and 2.
     
    #34 scaredstraight2, Jul 18, 2017
  15. silverhalo

    silverhalo
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    Ok so they are pretty young.
    I suppose a lot of it comes down to how much you are damaging yourself by staying in the situation?
    Do you find this becoming harder and harder?
     
    #35 silverhalo, Jul 19, 2017
  16. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    Hi. Silverhalo asks a great question...Is staying actually an option?

    Is there anything you can be doing to make a split easier? Plan somewhere to live, etc.

    Have you discussed your relationship recently? She might be more for a split than you're thinking.
     
    #36 LostInDaydreams, Jul 19, 2017
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