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Sad now

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Secrets5, Sep 29, 2018.

  1. Secrets5

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    I was reading a depression/bipolar website and they suggest I stay with the person and just ignore the things they say and do to me. Including the abusive ones. With no regard for how that impacts on ones own mental health, and that I should stay with them in their time of need and not leave.

    So now I'm crying. A bit. I'm sad and feel down. Since a support website doesn't support those on the recieving end and despite saying it's unhelpful to tell the mentally ill person "to get over it" that's what they're suggesting I do if that person harms me.

    And to think I went on there to find support to help others in mutual respect for each others health but no; despite the social "contagious illness" mental health can be.
     
  2. silverhalo

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    Hey I can totally understand why you are upset, it's so tough dealing with mental health and whilst I understand them saying that you should stick by the person you also need to look after yourself and find some support. I'm sorry you are having such a tough time.
     
  3. Chip

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    There's a lot of really terrible advice out there on the Internet. And that's one of the reasons EC is pretty heavily moderated, and that we place a strong value on an evidence-based approach to the knowledge that's shared here.

    Anyone who tells you that you should stay with someone who is harmful or abusive to you (physically, mentally or emotionally) is giving you terrible advice. And this includes you as someone who is with someone with a mental health issue. If the person with the mental health issue cannot treat you with respect and dignity, even if this lack of respect is a byproduct of their mental disorder, you are not obligated to stay with him or her.

    Now... if it is your child, then obviously things are a bit different. But assuming it is a spouse or partner, then you have an obligation to care for your own mental health as well as the other person's needs.

    Is there a potential middle ground? Could you explore saying something like "I understand you have challenges, and I'm getting to a point where I simply can't continue with this. I am willing to stay if you will take significant steps to get help. This means therapy, evaluation by a psychiatrist, and following whatever advice they recommend. And I am willing to go to therapy with you. If you are willing to do that, I am willing to continue to try for a period of time. And if you are not, or if there isn't significant change, then I will need to leave in order to protect my own mental health."

    In that way, you are offering options, and the other person can choose to accept them or not. But in no case are you obligated to stay in this situation, and anyone giving advice to the contrary is not doing you a service.
     
    SoulSearch, Shorthaul and Ruby Dragon like this.