for a very long time ive struggled with the fact that im gay...i was very angry mainly because i could never find a girl i would like that would be interested in me. i met someone a few months ago that i liked and we kissed and saw each other a couple of times but she lives in a different city so its difficult (+ i dont really know how she feels about me) anyway...now i feel calm sometimes but i have a feeling of lonelyness and sadness that its its q intense. im glad i dont feel as angry but i wonder if ill eever get passed this sad valley...any tips? i used to be someone that liked to be by myself but now i feel the need to keep reaching out and being with friends etc
Hi CL1990 Do you think you may have depression? I only mention it because calm and sad sounds a little like depression. Sorry if i have misread what you said. You say you have a need to reach out to friends but you didn't mention if this is possible for you? If you have good social support then don't question your need to connect with them just connect with them. If you don't have a social group then focus on meeting people. Meetups can be a great way to meet people you have things in common with. I am not in a relationship right now and often that makes me sad but when i spend time with friends or at activities it gives me something else to focus on and lifts my mood. I hope you feel better soon and take care of yourself.
thank you for your kind words i have had issues with depression in the past and i hated myself a lot for being gay. now that hate has turned into a bit more of acceptance but its difficult sometimes i terms of reaching out to people i had friends but i live abroad which sometimes kicks my loneliness but i think you are right i just need to keep reaching out!
hey! i can really relate to what you’re writing here (including the living abroad away from friends part) and i think, in a lot of ways, it’s a thing that makes a lot of sense. even when we’re comfortable with who we are and overall content, there can still be moments where suddenly you wish something was different, like you were around friends or had a partner or whatever. i think the ability to be calm most of the time is a good sign, in a way: it shows that it’s no longer a thing that nags at you 24/7 (unless the calmness is more like numbness, in which case i’d agree with azure au). i don’t have much advice to offer, but i did want to let you know you’re not alone. and living abroad, away from your original support system can be a super lonely experience (even if it’s a great one) that takes a little while to adjust to and can leak into other parts of life too. i never had a strong desire to have a partner, but since moving away i do find myself wishing i had someone to share life with sometimes... before i could just distract myself with friends but now that i have to rebuild my social circle from scratch and don’t have that easy distraction i find myself missing something, as it were. the only tips i can give you is to hold on, keep trying, and know that things will work out, often at a time that is actually perfect for you. be careful not to isolate yourself, because that’ll only make things worse in the long run. reach out to friends back home when you can, and try to work your way into some social circles where you live now so you can maybe build a more “offline” support system - at least for the duration of your stay (however long that may be). it’s okay to need a little distraction for a while - everyone has to deal with a little loneliness sometimes, and when it comes down to it humans are social beings and having sufficient human interaction can go a long way in dealing with bouts of loneliness like you’re describing : )
thank you for your words the calmness dosnt feel numb its quite enjoyable most of the time (when its not emptyness) . i think i just have to keep going and go through the pain sometimes i will definetely work in reaching out more and more
It must be hard being away from your main supports. I am glad you now accept yourself. It took me a long time to be ok with my sexuality. I wish you all the best with continuing to reach out, great timing really, nothing like a new year to provide motivation in making change. I hope 2019 will be an amazing year for you!
