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Resisting the urge to “Straighten Myself Out”

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by blagh, Oct 3, 2019.

  1. blagh

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    To the guys who identify as bisexual - how often do you feel like you’re faking it or just confused and need “straightening out”?

    I’ve always been deeply infatuated with women, and if I have a primary sexual/romantic attraction in life, it’s to girls. That’s always been true. They’ve always made me go all wobbly, hot and flustered.

    But I can’t deny there’s a side to me that wants, on some level, to be the girl I’ve always wanted - I love to dress up and “be a girl” during sex. I love acting out the slutiness and experiencing things from that side. There’s a kinky vulnerability to being penetrated that I love acting out, to be the “feminine” partner.

    But men don’t really turn me on like women. I don’t get all hot and flustered for them when they’re around me. I can’t imagine ever describing a guy as cute or hot. These are all things I can easily do and say for women.

    I’ve considered whether I’m trans (this feels like a purely sexual thing, rather than a day to day life kinda thing - it doesn’t bother me being a guy), whether I’m secretly gay and deeply repressed / in-denial (I don’t think I am, but I’m open to it if it’s true), and the only thing I can land on is a weird kind of bisexuality.

    But because what I call bisexuality isn’t the same thing as what someone else might call bisexuality (ie the potential for deeply sexual/romantic infatuation with both sexes), I often trouble myself over the label and whether it’s correct.

    I think there’s also a side to me that craves deep male intimacy, because my father was very distant and unaffectionate when I was a kid. Again, I don’t get hot and flustered and nervous around guys and don’t consider them hot or cute, but again, I love the idea of being sexually intimate with another man - there’s a vulnerability and intimacy I get that I simply don’t elsewhere.

    Does anyone else relate?
     
    Aldia likes this.
  2. PatrickUK

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    Based on what you have written here I would say there are a few things you may wish to explore further in therapy. The problematic relationship with your father may be very significant and worthy of deeper examination, but that's not something that can take place in this or several other threads you have created around the same issue. As much as we might like to, we cannot respond in the dynamic way that a therapist might, so you could end up going round and round in circles on this sub-forum as you search for clarity and deeper understanding while you attempt to iron out the complexities of your feelings. I would suggest you put in that personal work in therapy first (and it will require work) before pinning a label on yourself. That process of reflection and understanding may reveal the answers you are seeking about your sexuality.
     
    Oliverrrrr, Cind Ace and blagh like this.
  3. Oliverrrrr

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    As you'll know, i dont have many problems with labels, but we could be both sides of the same coin otherwise. I completely relate, especially with the last pararaph. Though I'm somewhat older than you I'm learning about myself here and there from your various writings and I appreciate you voicing them.

    My needs are not neccessarily sexual though, it's more about feeling a need to share affection with guys, which I'm fortunate enough to be able to do with a few of my male friends, just hugs and good friendship is enough - mostly.

    I'd like to be able to have sex with guys, but i know my current relationship wouldnt survive if i did. It's not currently a driving need so it's not a major issue for me at the moment. I seem to have come to accept my lot but it's been a struggle for sure.
     
    blagh likes this.