Recovering Spirituality?

I guess the best way to describe myself right now would be "broken Christian." A few months ago I got completely sick of the evangelical world I'd grown up in. Now I'm trying to start over and find my own path. I still think Christianity, in its pure form, has a very powerful message. But I'm also willing to be more humble about it than I once was. I recognize that there are many things in the universe that I don't understand, so I'm happy to hear what others have to say about their own spiritual journeys. I feel so much more free now that I don't have to have all the answers.

 

For me, going to church connects me more closely with my spiritual side (God) and brings a feeling of peace, stability and structure to a fairly chaotic and otherwise busy life. I need that and I'm happy to admit that it's a need. I'm sure many people could find it elsewhere and they would tell me that I could too, but I actually like what the church gives me, in that respect. I may not be fully on board with the liturgy or scriptural messages, but that doesn't detract from overall experience.

The tranquility of the church building is something else and it really frees my mind. The burning candles, ornate architecture, stained glass adds to the experience. If I was of the Anglo-Catholic tradition I might also get something from wider rituals, but that's not really for me, even though I can see the attraction.

 

Sartoris - Thanks for your kind words. I am happy to pick up on your question and comments.

The division of 'religion' and 'spirituality' is a very modern one. The actual use of the word 'spirituality' in English only dates from the early years of the 20th century, and is a translation of the French spiritualite, a word which became common in 17th Century France to denote a method of prayer. It was a safe word at a time of discord over Jansenism in the French Church. Anyway, it was generally used to denote a method, often in counter-reformation Catholicism highly structured, of mystical prayer, often associated with a particular religious order - thus Carmelite Spirituality, Franciscan Spirituality, and so on. I think the modern divorce of spirituality (if we take that to mean a way to approach God) from religion (if we take that to mean the cultural structures in which we do that) is false and unhelpful. It is characteristic of an individualistic age, in which personal truths must always trump revealed truths, the sovereign individual the community.

And here we come to your question - why is my relationship with God fraught? The fact is, if God is real, it is unrealistic to assume that a relationship with him will be anything other than demanding. The modern desire for spirituality seems to want a comforting experience of the divine other, without any of the hard choices of religion. God is painfully present to me. I wish he would leave me alone! I envy those, the vast majority of people, who go through life untroubled by religion and God. They seem to get on just fine. I have tried to honestly followed where I think God is leading me, and it has led to a rather unconventional life. I am currently a (very unhappy) member of a religious order. I am desperate to get out - but being middle aged and having no money makes that very hard. How did I end up here? What was God thinking about? The truth is, I am pretty sure it will all make sense it due course. It always does in retrospect. Looking back, I can always see a providence guiding things.

So my relationship with God is a sort of 'Can't live with him, can't live without him' thing. But I know full well he wont go away. The Hound of Heaven is always there.

That spirituality must be rooted in religion is also the reason why I am, and will remain I suppose, a Catholic. It represents my western cultural heritage. I can only relate to God as a western European. Orthodoxy appeals, as its liturgy is aesthetically more appealing than the modern Roman Rite of the Mass. But it would require a cultural shift that I am unable to make.

 

:roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao: LMAOF im sorry honey when i write on mobile phones i never use them :badgrin:

 

I'd been struggling a lot with being spiritual without being religious since I was raised catholic. I saw this quote from Pope Francis on facebook "It is not necessary to believe in God to be a good person. In a way, the traditional notion of God is outdated. One can be spiritual but not religious. It is not necessary to go to church and give money - for many, nature can be a church. Some of the best people in history did not believe in God, while some of the worst deeds were done in His name." That was posted by the man who inspired me to get out of organized religion (it was causing me a lot of problems with anxiety and depression) and explained how nature is his God (I always knew I had a connection to nature like that, but I didn't know that could be a thing). I think it was important that the Pope said this, he's basically saying that you don't have to be religious to go to heaven and that can comfort those of us who have trouble believing and practicing religion.

 

That seems to be doing the rounds. Pope Francis didn't say it. If you think about it, he would be very unlikely to say anything like that.

 

Wait what

 

Look for it yourself. It has been doing the rounds on facebook since December last year. Pope Francis never said it. If you can find evidence to prove he did, I will walk naked through St Peter's Square singing The Sash My Father Wore.

 

Just checked it out on snopes.com...why do people do this.
Can you go through St. Peter's Square like that anyway? haha

 

Next time I'm in Rome. I promise. I'll post it on youtube or periscope or something.

 

I've finally written my replies to your old questions.

I do wonder if you could find some kind of online community that's ... interfaith? Something like that. I never really thought of joining a group like that myself, because like I said, I don't exactly feel the need for the community aspect of religion at this moment in my life. I say that an interfaith group is probably the best answer there because to me it seems to be most likely the place where people won't start dumb arguments with each other, or at least there will be less of them. At least from my experience in my home country, truly spiritual youths who aren't brainwashed backwards by hateful dogma are a real rarity. But I have been lucky enough to meet one or two exceptions in my time. I always felt a strong kind of attraction to people like that—a real faith that fascinates me and leaves a permanent mark. Have you known anyone like that?

To answer your other old question, there was not much conflict that went in my decision to leave behind my religious community. When the straw broke the camel's back, I had no regrets, and I still don't. I guess someone else who had things about the community that they genuinely cherished could feel conflicted over it, but I wasn't one of those people. Now, that isn't to say my experience with the community was all bad. When I participated in things like songs or chants, there was a special kind of power to it. Sometimes when I write I recreate those kinds of feelings I vicariously experience them again.

Which brings me to answer your last old question: yes. I do find that mythology allows for more flexibility, engagement and individual creativity. Especially any mythology I create. If I wish it to be so, I can look at God as a villain, or as a mortal, or as someone woefully misunderstood, whereas in a temple I might be discouraged from seeing God as anything but good. I can take the concepts of community I grew up with and assess their strengths and weaknesses, and I can do the same thing with the personalities of the people I've met (even the most noble and impressive kinds of people) by translating them into fictional characters. It's really fun. I see it as a natural evolution, perhaps a kind of payoff for the years I spent as a regular participant in a religious community—which lasted for about 17 years, altogether. It's given me a lot of material to think about.

 

I identify as a Christian, but I am far from traditional, and I come from a Jewish background and study Taoism. I don't want to just tell you what I believe, so here's what I have for you:

No matter what our religion or spiritual path is, no matter what we call the afterlife, we all agree on the same thing - If you're a half decent person, you go some place good, and the people you love are there.

Heaven, Nirvana, the Ancestral Halls of Valhalla, the Ether, Reincarnation, the Middle Place, the Great Dive Bar in the Sky... whatever we want to call it, we all as human beings have an inherent knowledge that after we leave this physical form, something else happens, and it is beautiful. I take comfort in that. Billions of people all agreeing on the same thing can't be wrong, can they?