(sorry this is so long!) I wasn't sure what forum to ask this but wondered if anyone else has dealt with this issue - I stopped drinking 12 or so years ago (maybe more?) but my wife still drinks - and is probably an alcoholic really. I used to drink basically to self medicate for severe Anxiety and I stopped before I started treatment for the anxiety (I knew it would be the first thing a doctor or therapist would suggest - to cut back - I also knew I couldn't cut back on drinking - I had to quit completely). I used to wonder if I really WAS an alcoholic or just someone who drank too much - because I found it quite easy to quit - and I've never looked back or missed it - which is, I know, a different experience to many recovering alcoholics... But all of my behaviour at the time was that of an addict so I really must have been... And I DO feel like, if I started again for some unimaginable reason - I could very easily fall back into that addiction - so I guess that IS the definition of an alcoholic (the definition doesn't really matter I guess - it's just background information!) Anyway my wife drinks every day (not a LOT every day - 3-4 glasses of wine) but she CAN'T go without a drink for more than a week and she does drink till she throws up or passes out maybe once a month. And I have found it increasingly difficult to bear the smell of wine (or her sleeping wine breath!) So we often sleep in separate rooms if she's had more than 2-3 glasses (it also makes her snore, choke and cough, making it hard to sleep). I find the smell almost like a poison or something I'm allergic to - similar to cigarette smoke (I quit smoking 20 years ago and it became a hideously repellent smell after quitting). I don't FEEL tempted to drink but I think that's what my aversion is based on - I'm SCARED of starting drinking again even though I don't want to?! Anyway, for whatever reason - I would love to have a life where I can come home and NOT be around alcohol (I work in the entertainment industry surrounded by alcohol!). I also feel like it's unreasonable of me to want to change HER (especially because, by societal standards she doesn't drink excessively). Though lately I have realised that whether or not it's unreasonable doesn't change my wanting to have an alcohol free home-like. Sorry this is so long! But we have discussed it very many times and she has agreed that she drinks too much (more than SHE wants to) - she even saw a therapist about it once - but it never changes.. So I guess I'm not wondering if I'm being unreasonable but just wondering how other non-drinkers manage living with a drinking partner? I also had an alcoholic and violent father so that trauma and my anxiety probably factors into it..
